Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend lied about being on the pill four months ago. FML
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML
Today, my girlfriend's best friend told me she was in hospital after having made a suicide attempt. In shock, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital myself. Turns out it was all a lie to see whether or not I was committed to the relationship. FML
Today, my housemate picked me up from the psychiatric ward, after I'd spent ten days there with a major depressive episode. She said that she thought it rather odd that I'd gotten so bad, since she'd replaced my antidepressants with homeopathic pills. FML
Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
Today, I went back home after seeing the doctor, I told my boyfriend my new medicine might cause some mood swings. He immediately grabbed his phone and pretended to take a call, then rushed out. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
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Top comments
satanic_fml 13
Death is the new birth control
desoto96 9
I think that's why she took the birth control in the first place. So no.
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Comments (62)
Pleonasm 36
Wow. You know, I haven't taken any painkillers in a few years for my headaches, might as well pop the whole packet!
PincessBoff 6
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN. I look forward to your comments every day and this is the first day in, I have no idea how long, that I've seen one! D:
anon80214 15
Can't get pregnant if you're dead.
LolFMLnot 10
It also prevents you from having sex
AliceLockehart 18
Not if OP's one of them necrophiliacs. (10 points to whoever gets this movie reference) :)
drewflav 17
Not really, there is a fetish known as necrophilia. As disgusting as that sounds... EDIT: #22 beat me to it
Acik91 26
#19: Abstinence is the best contraception.
watermelon1 35
#28, can you say Virgin Mary?
Zomg_Okay 27
28 - Yeah but that's no fun.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I have about 3 months worth of meds to catch up on, imagine how sane I would be if I took all those at once!
Trix_Disorder 20
Well, it kinda does... But only if you miss ONE day (as far as the BC is concerned, and you're supposed to use protection too if this happens). This is insane and incredibly careless.
perdix 31
Wait a minute, everybody! She spends a week with her family and then needs to pound a megadose of birth control?!?!?! What the hell kind of family is she from? I mean, I've heard of sibling revelry, but this is ridiculous!
naya_bingi 11
Perhaps she decided to go straight after meeting the guy her grandma set her up at the family reunion...
Sheh_fml 25
You don't seem to know jack shit about birth control, so allow me to educate you. You can't just take it when you need it. Miss a pill, and you need to use other kind of protection for at least a week before they start working again - That is, this coming week, when she will be home with her boyfriend again. And that is just if you're a few hours too late with one single pill. Not to mention that it can **** quite a bit with the body if you go on and off the pill too often, because the body needs time to adjust to the excess hormones. When you quit it can takes months before things are back to normal, and when you begin it can take weeks before the first wave of side effects ebb out. Assuming they do at all, but many experience a lot more side effects when they have just started.
naya_bingi 11
*WHOOSH* Did you feel that go over your head?!
perdix 31
#39, nice reference. I don't think anyone rebutted my comment that anyone more distant than a first cousin is fair game, and in some states, first cousins are legal. #45's rant made me laugh. Does she think I'm dispensing medical advice?
poccocurantes 7
Well aren't you?
acid_moose 7
Can't blame the poor girl, I mean how depressed would you be if you came home to find your lizards hadn't evolved into dinosaurs?
loveashlley 6
Wrong fml bro.
Zomg_Okay 27
43 - You must be new here. Welcome. :)
tsent8 15
#43 seeing as you are new here I will give you the tour there's your cubicle we all have to spend at least 6 hours a day at ours. Oh look there's the break room- dont feed the trolls you have been warned. And over there is the door that seperates us from the creeps who have been down voted into oblivion.
mandachea10 8
I don't know what your talking about..I live for trolling and down votes.
verkaderk 9
God bless her soul. God knows she'll need it.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
The amount of FMLs on girls' stupidity makes me understand why we don't rule the world...
Tones217 9
I lived with a girl who would sell a weeks worth of her birth control pills to other girls. She said it's like taking a Plan B pill. Are you sure your girlfriend "forgot" her pills?
minmo 1
. Wrap your winky!
Zomg_Okay 27
No! No, no, no! Do *not* start this comment thread again.
happle 21
Pretty sure it's willy btw.