Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend lied about being on the pill four months ago. FML
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML
Today, my girlfriend's best friend told me she was in hospital after having made a suicide attempt. In shock, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital myself. Turns out it was all a lie to see whether or not I was committed to the relationship. FML
Today, my housemate picked me up from the psychiatric ward, after I'd spent ten days there with a major depressive episode. She said that she thought it rather odd that I'd gotten so bad, since she'd replaced my antidepressants with homeopathic pills. FML
Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
Today, I went back home after seeing the doctor, I told my boyfriend my new medicine might cause some mood swings. He immediately grabbed his phone and pretended to take a call, then rushed out. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
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Top comments
satanic_fml 13
Death is the new birth control
desoto96 9
I think that's why she took the birth control in the first place. So no.
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Comments (62)
Zebediabolical 45
You picked her, bro.
CharresBarkrey 16
Yeah, 18, they do tell you to take two at a time if you miss one day's pill. Maybe OP's girlfriend just thought that was a general rule?
akiahara 14
She might need something more reliable... clearly she doesn't need to breed.
PincessBoff 6
I agree, maybe suggest the Depo shot?
breadstickez 5
Please keep her on birth control.....for the sake of humanity.
onorexveritas 24
well she wont have to worry about ever having kids again
ninjapiratejesus_fml 20
I think if you miss more than three they say to throw away the pack and start a new one. Otherwise you could seriously mess your body up.
vertigoisarat 8
That's no different than taking the morning after pill. It wouldn't mess up her liver or cause any physiological problems. Where's DocBastard when you need him?
Isa_fml 20
He mentions that she also took some other prescription medication, though.
whY402Jay 12
There is no such thing as "catching up" with contraception. You're a good man for sticking around. Haha. Girls like that... People like that annoy me.
Jessj958 19
Technically, u can catch up on your contraceptive as long as it hasn't been missed for 2 days. You just take whatever it is that you missed. After 3 days, you are supposed to start a new pack. OP's girlfriend was already too late though!
RedPillSucks 33
OP, I expect to read about your girlfriend on "1000 ways to die" or the "Darwin Awards"
Shmatterhorn 38
Dang, and to think that we had a potential Darwin Awards winner here.