Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML
Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML
Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML
Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know…" and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML
Today, a misunderstanding led to me falsely accusing my husband of cheating. We cleared it up and he forgave me and everything, but my parents are still convinced that he cheated, and won't believe me when I say he wasn't. FML
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Top comments
JasonUMN 15
Well, do you have a problem with it?
Nordrag 26
Egg his car. Reply the same way. Wait for results. (Warning: I am in no way liable to any injuries sustained during the course of action recommended above.)
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Comments (73)
worldclassrager 41
If it was a joke that's just cruel...when you know it's him egg his house...
cuppycakeslove 20
It's not cruel, he's just got a sense of humor
worldclassrager 41
True...some comments I do leave after realizing the literal point of the FML...and this was one of them...
AboveAll04 14
Father of the year right there !
djinnyf 12
Maybe he wants a new house painting, paid by the insurance company?!
shibeep 12
Seriously gonna do this too my son one day
MilkyFilmz 26
Who says you won't have a daughter? Anyways you would make a suckish parent.
Grayness_ 26
Maybe he did do it and he wants you to be a man and pull **** from ******* ass !!! (Too much Spartacus haha )
jessBeAqueen 13
what an egghead.
arre2006 19
You got personal problems if you're still being bullied by your dad
olpally 33
Your dads an idiot jokster... Who the **** does that anyways? Sue him and Get money from him. That's ******* ridiculous.
olpally 33
Never mind the suing part. Op is in Ireland and idk what the law says about this...
CharresBarkrey 16
Can you even sue someone for egging your house in any country?
Neyuu 18
It's okay guys, he's American. It's tradition to sue everybody.
ileenefudge 29
I guess I'm breaking tradition then, because I don't believe in sueing everybody. I have never had to go through that and hopefully never will. Oh and by the way I'm American, but I agree that stupid comments like the one posted adds to the stereotype that all Americans like to sue each other. Thankfully I'm not one of them.
bestbelieve 9
The adverisement right under this FML says Pick your egg lol. its for a game
jw90 18
Tell him "**** yea I have a problem" and egg his.