Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, all of my roommates were home. I really had to poop all day but the bathroom was being hogged. Once I finally got the chance to go, I guess the toilet didn't flush all the way and I didn't notice. The other roommates loudly asked each other who it was, and they all started loudly taking about me. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
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Top comments
rukusrazor 0
Why the **** would everyone stand in the bathroom and watch a plumber elbow deep in shit? Was that the most popular item at the potluck? If so, be proud.
biancagolden 0
Man up and take pride in that slippery beast!
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Comments (86)
Kuroisakura 0
This is why I don't shit anywhere but work, home, or walmart (they deserve this.)
Truan_fml 0
eat healthier, you ******* fat ass
ariannaaaaaaaaaa 0
Are you single now???
gaararox13 0
thats why you always flush in between craps so u dont plug it up
RuralNinja 0
They had the nerve to look at you? I would have looked at them like they ****** up, since they couldn't keep a working toilet in the house
kevy14 0
wat is a potluck? but that sucks man
Kylaka 0
#68 its when you get together with a group of people and everyone brings food/dinks from home and shares with everyone. It's awesome :) what kind of people sit there and watch?? lol
knocknockjokes 0
awwww that suckssss mann! haha i wonderr iff hess still datinggg herrrr!!! ahahaha!
iamtenyearsago 0
Dude totally happened to me. I didn't say a damn thing, and they thought it was my boyfriend's fat sister. Your fault for telling them. If it was a potluck, lots of people must have been there; they'd never have assumed it was you.
irawk 0
all of these vivid imaginations starts to flash into my mind.. all i could say is, ... ewww