Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML
Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said, "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML
Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML
Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML
Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML
Today, I was giving myself a breast exam for lumps. I heard laughing, looked around and saw that the 12 year-old neighbor and his friends were watching through the window. FML
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Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Buy him a rectal thermometer because he's an asshole.
Earths_Venus 25
Can I buy you a ball gag so you'll shut up?
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Comments (113)
blueknight1st 26
Sounds like he also needs to give you a sense of humor transplant because yours died.
noynek97 10
I think that that's hilarious!
jeesh10 10
That's hilarious, you do need a chill pill!
vikky538 29
doctor WHO... doctor asshole...
MrsTeecee 5
I would totally freak out and beat the shit out of him. And you can get away with it because he fcking lied!
Brandi_Faith 34
You realize he actually was the doctor right?
ridl_14 3
That's horrible :( as someone who has actually been sexually assaulted, you don't think you'll get that feeling of icy horror until it actually happens to you. I can imagine how you felt in that moment, OP :(
blackonblight 33
Exactly. Seriously, some of the comments here horrify me. Doctor 'jokes' about sexual assault. Patient is freaked out. Doctor says only kidding, chill out. And people are saying "geez no big deal" When, yes big deal. Jokes about sexual assault normalize that behavior and studies prove lead to increased incidences thereof. So let's knock that shit out.
Tawnkat 13
people these days are so unprofessional.
AFaye3964 17
Thats a good one though, atleast your doctor has sense of humor
sartrow 8
that is one cooool doctor : )
MrFlash10 2
Lol the guy's got jokes.