Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought, "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot?" Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Get a (big) dog. Change your locks. Buy a shotgun.
lyndis_fml 0
Well, you do. A golf ball at the door seemed less creepy than a note on your bedside table. Sorry if I scared you.
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Comments (214)
Dragonmouth 4
Someone probably stuck that on a random door for laughs.
flipnfun9 0
You should honestly report this...if someone did this as a joke, it was incredibly immature...matters like this should be treated with the most caution...contact the police
seruulian 0
I LOVE ALL THE TWILIGHT COMMENTS HERE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA hilarious. oh twilight, you are so easy to make fun of! but seriously, that sucks. talk to people where you intern, get in touch with the police, do something! D:
megs8907 0
OMG #19, nice play on words...I always wish i could be witty like that :-D And OP, that is freakin creepy!!!
Eiotlrd 0
nice on #19, but still creepy
EG_dod 0
A golf ball creeper? Gross.
YungMarlon23 0
unless yu find out that person is extremely attractive...move....NOW!
miharu365 0
Definitely an Edward Cullen impersonator. Must think that every girl loves having a guy watch them in their sleep. *shrug*
Mnemo_fml 0
CREEEEEEEPYYYYY!!! Tell the cops about it. :(
SuicideSaint_fml 0
Get a big dog, get the locks changed, stun gun maybe.