Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML
Today, and every other day this week, I brought carrots and celery into work to eat as a snack instead of chocolate. I got back from lunch to find a note on my desk saying, "Do you really think it's OK to eat carrots and celery that loudly every day?" Guess I won't try to be healthy. FML
Today, I stopped at a mini-mart and bought a family-size bag of potato chips, a tub of dip, a box of toaster pastries, and some snack cakes. The guy at the counter said, "Wow, someone's hungry!" I told him it wasn't all for me, paid, and left in a huff. It was all for me. I ate it all by that evening. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML
Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML
Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML
Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML
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Top comments
xivoricbutterfly 25
No shame in loving chocolate. Camly grab it and run away.
Greenteamextreme 16
To hell with the carrots!
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Comments (79)
telli164 30
Hahah awkwarddddd.
sdroze1389 31
after the diet produces results he will wish he took you up on that offer you made to the snickers. btw good for you, snickers is ******* delicious. I would have cracked.
angelicdevil 16
unless they happen to have carb or sugar problems. Then in that case it wouldn't matter if they exercised.
angelicdevil 16
diabetes, insulin resistance and polycystic ovarian syndrome can all cause weight gain if not eating a low carb, low sugar diet
LennyComa 39
It is understandable...After all it is a Snickers
worthlessACfan 11
so you said you want God? xD
Ari1337 15
no.
142_cats 13
I don't think that's the kind of inching you wanted OP.
worldclassrager 41
Good for you for sticking to your diet...keep it up...maybe you could indulge once and a while...
thelittlemissy 29
I hear ya! Chocolate cravings are constant. I make myself a nice chocolate shake on chocolate almond milk, coconut milk, bananas, and cacao powder ;) you should try it!
sdroze1389 31
#34. are you vegan?
thelittlemissy 29
Nope, just trying to stay healthy :)
mosquito19 14
were you gonna **** that Snickers bar or eat it?