Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, my sister slept with my boyfriend while I was at work providing for the both of them as well as our child. I let her move in after our mother kicked her out. FML
Today, despite giving my sister a place to stay while she's in town for a funeral, she demanded I give a bedroom to her son to have to himself, because, "How am I supposed to have 'sexy time' with my husband with him in the room?" Everyone's sharing rooms, and no one's getting sexy time as someone literally died. FML
Today, despite the fact that I live with my parents and pay rent, my mom decided the best spot for my brother, his wife and one-year-old son was my bedroom. So I'm sleeping on the couch, because it would, "take too long to clean her room." FML
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML
Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML
Today, my mom won't let me have the extra hotel room she booked all to myself, even though it's just me, her, and my sister. Basically I can share a room with her or with my sister, but I can't be alone. I'm 23. FML
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Top comments
lahp 0
lol ... hey get laid then... there are tons of geeks on this website alone tht are desperate to get laid .. just read above :D
Bloodknight 22
Haha wow your mom is awesome!
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Comments (40)
Bluetreess 0
lol. tht seriously funny.
Ninjaface 0
You know you don't have to make it sound like your sister and your roommate are two different people.
VioletteSky 0
wtfh
drayloon 50
So her brother and her ex are the same guy?
cmac86 24
you know we can fix your problem.
KillU2009 0
i want to meet your mom.
omghehehe 0
chaos!!
perdix 31
Neither is your dad. Maybe you ought to start nailing him.
nevershouttami 11
what if her dad died o.o
kukopia 0
Use one of moms toys in her bed.
jillz 0
I hear sex is over rated anyway. At least you're not likely to be unclean or pregnant.
L0VEPiNK07 0
onlinebootycall.com, boo. :)
RagePX 0
come to me ill love you sexy !