Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, my sister slept with my boyfriend while I was at work providing for the both of them as well as our child. I let her move in after our mother kicked her out. FML
Today, despite giving my sister a place to stay while she's in town for a funeral, she demanded I give a bedroom to her son to have to himself, because, "How am I supposed to have 'sexy time' with my husband with him in the room?" Everyone's sharing rooms, and no one's getting sexy time as someone literally died. FML
Today, despite the fact that I live with my parents and pay rent, my mom decided the best spot for my brother, his wife and one-year-old son was my bedroom. So I'm sleeping on the couch, because it would, "take too long to clean her room." FML
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML
Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML
Today, my mom won't let me have the extra hotel room she booked all to myself, even though it's just me, her, and my sister. Basically I can share a room with her or with my sister, but I can't be alone. I'm 23. FML
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Top comments
lahp 0
lol ... hey get laid then... there are tons of geeks on this website alone tht are desperate to get laid .. just read above :D
Bloodknight 22
Haha wow your mom is awesome!
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Comments (40)
THZ_fml 0
dude, another FYL... your the only person from Zimbabwe to have submitted a FML - LOL
Poepiepiesie 3
Apparently only in Zimbabwe a room mate can live in your family's house and not get kicked out when laughing at you because you didn't get laid.
wriptidez 0
your the moral one and u will be std free
tweetypie 18
How do you have a roommate if you live in your parents house?
Bleepbloop360 7
There's nothing wrong with that
joeymo304 9
Re-post
poohappens26 0
Wow that's bad. Sounds like your old enough to move out
kroekdog 7
**** family
idefka 34
i accidentally slipped a line and read, my sister is sleeping with my brother.
DLBL 23
I agree with Liz Lemon who says, "Why the 'Walk of Shame? It should be the Stride of Pride!'"