Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been experiencing hair loss. He insisted on a pregnancy test. My parents then grounded me. I'm a virgin. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period. FML
Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up, she would take me to get birth control. Wanting birth control, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I'm not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML
Today, I threw up when I woke up, feeling quite ill, I told my mum. She instantly thought I was pregnant. I'm still a virgin and she doesn't believe me. FML
Today, I missed my bus to the doctor's office for my scheduled pap test. I was so desperate, I called my deadbeat mom to ask for a ride. She said "Virgins don't need pap tests", laughed, then hung up on me. FML
Today, my mom noticed that there weren’t any tampons in the trashcan during my usual time of the month, and promptly grounded me. I’m not pregnant, I just skip periods sometimes. FML
Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML
Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML
Today, at 21 years of age, my doctor confirmed that I am, indeed, going bald. It wouldn't be such a bad thing, even expected, if I wasn't a woman. FML
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Top comments
Blimix 9
Ten years from now, after you proudly note how independent and self-sufficient you are, get yourself a therapist. Because your parents traumatized you and made you realize that you couldn't depend on others to do the right thing for you and to treat you well. "Why yes, I do have trouble asking for help or accepting it. Why do you ask?" Eventually, you're going to have people you really can depend on, and you're going to have to unlearn your parents' lesson in order to enjoy proper adult relationships in which you all support each other. Best of luck. (Oh, and whatever religion taught your parents to act like that, get away from it.)
Anderling 33
I’m given to understand that doctors in the US, especially after Roe v Wade was struck down, will order a pregnancy test for as much as a cough. You’d think your parents would know that, or at least hold off until they saw a negative result. I agree completely with the other commenter on the rest of this. Someday you will be independent and thriving, and you can tell your parents to go sit on a cactus.
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Comments (6)
Blimix 9
Ten years from now, after you proudly note how independent and self-sufficient you are, get yourself a therapist. Because your parents traumatized you and made you realize that you couldn't depend on others to do the right thing for you and to treat you well. "Why yes, I do have trouble asking for help or accepting it. Why do you ask?" Eventually, you're going to have people you really can depend on, and you're going to have to unlearn your parents' lesson in order to enjoy proper adult relationships in which you all support each other. Best of luck. (Oh, and whatever religion taught your parents to act like that, get away from it.)
Anderling 33
I’m given to understand that doctors in the US, especially after Roe v Wade was struck down, will order a pregnancy test for as much as a cough. You’d think your parents would know that, or at least hold off until they saw a negative result. I agree completely with the other commenter on the rest of this. Someday you will be independent and thriving, and you can tell your parents to go sit on a cactus.
Thaylok 17
Doctors have to give those tests for nearly everything. Ruling it out is following protocol, not an accusation. In cases where they have not provided the test, they have been sued. My daughter had her first test at 10, just to get an MRI. It is the blanket coverage protocols that maintain safety.
TwoBytesCarley 27
Holy, that’s insane protocol. That is not the protocol in Canada; doctor’s or their forms will ask if there is a chance of pregnancy and only if the patient says ‘yes’, then a test will be ordered.
Brightside86 31
Calling it now, hair loss is due to stress from your parents.
SJKatt 15
How do your parents not know that a pregnancy test is one of the first things doctors will ask for when ruling out possible diagnosis for literally anyone with a uterus? FYL indeed. Your parents suck.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I didn't realize hair loss was a side effect of pregnancy. As if the regular symptoms of morning sickness, weight gain, tender boobs, etc. aren't bad enough...