Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML
Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for God knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowingly drove it around. FML
Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AngryBeaver32 8
Mother of God, that's disturbing.
Keyman1212 14
Holy shit I just threw up in my mouth. But for real though OP, I have a garbage disposal unit in my house, and anything substantial makes tons of noise, the squeals and the breaking of bones must have alerted you to something being gravely wrong, no?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (139)
docscientist 10
What an unpleasant wake-up call.
Jewnut 0
Soooooo sad!
supersexyme 0
Rat child
VeganVampyre 27
Most spoiled food IS decaying corpses.
sannah_fml 8
DDDDDD^X
OfficeNinja 5
No problem. Run the water, turn on the disposal, let it run until the gross grinding / crunching noises end. Then let the water run for another 30 seconds. If that fails, you can get disposal foam cleaner stuff.
CadyAsInKatie 8
Those poor animals.
Mkbitch 2
Dude that's going to be hell to clean up. But at least your crib won't have that putrid smell anymore!
Volleyball1o 0
That sucks and gross
lillypatter 13
lol, I was holding my pet rat as I read this. :P Just buy a kitty litter box or something, scoop them up, and carry them far away from your house! Rats are smart, they won't come back. (:
Pazu_fml 10
Well, they certainly won't be coming back, but I wouldn't say it's because they're smart.