Today, I woke up to my sister with her hand wrapped gently around my balls, saying, “Don’t lie or I’ll squeeze.” She wanted to know if I’d eaten her strawberries. I said no. She'd looked my bin and saw the empty packet. She looked back at me and squeezed. The pain made me late for work. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was woken by my younger sister punching me in the balls. She also pulled the duvet off, and dragged me out of bed by my feet and onto the floor. All because I ate her chocolates, which were a gift. I was left writhing in pain in my underwear right in front of her. FML
Today, my three year old sister asked me to go to the amusement park with her. Since I was late for work, I politely refused and said we'd go tomorrow. She punched me in the nuts so hard that I could barely walk. FML
Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML
Today, my sister decided to wake me up by pumping handwash into my open mouth. FML
Today, I woke up and found a trail of £5 notes in my bedroom, which led all the way downstairs and into the bathroom. I got to the last one, where I was then kicked in the balls from behind. It was my sister. She said it was the money she'd borrowed from me. I was left in my underwear writhing in pain. FML
Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML
Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML
Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML
Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML
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Top comments
Plop 17
Is it a common occurrence in the UK for siblings to touch each other's genitals?
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Clearly you wanted to follow the berries with some crushed nuts.
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Comments (8)
jc1015 25
serves ya right... if it doesn't belong to you don't ******* touch it
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Clearly you wanted to follow the berries with some crushed nuts.
Plop 17
Is it a common occurrence in the UK for siblings to touch each other's genitals?
Charlie Given 28
What the actual **** is wrong with your sister, that's pretty ******* sick on so many levels.
Madchick14 11
she did warn you
RichardPencil 32
If you had told the truth, would you have gotten a handjob from your sister? I'm guessing that's how your family rolls.
[Insert a name] 2
The YDI count has shredded my faith in humanity. Even if he did lie, that did not justify her to do such a thing (I hate to play that game, but reverse the situation where he threatened to harm her somehow to get the truth out of her, and he does harm her after catching her in a lie, would you say she deserved whatever he [hypothetically] did to her?). Also, let's not forget HIS SISTER put her hand on his junk. To the people who clicked YDI, is that something that normally happens in your family?
jc1015 25
no cause no one steals shit and then lies about. if they do there's consequences. also yes if the situation were reversed I'd still click YDI. I'll say it again if it's not yours don't ******* touch it... simple as that
Dustmop 18
Have you never had sibling's? If it was reversed siblings still get physical with eachother, so yes brother's still hurt sister's that being said the genital touching is still odd.
JasonThorn 24
Maybe not. Maybe the "He Is My Brother" concept is so strong that she doesn't attribute anything sexual to it, just seeing it as a way to cause maximum pain for minimum effort.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Y'all both messed up!