Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML
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Top comments
lishajoy777 14
Your Grandma is AWESOME!
zombieslayer83 19
Did pay the gas bill though!
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Comments (172)
erockinthesuburb 17
In other news, a local Starbucks franchise was evacuated due to a gas leak. At least one person was injured with coffee-related burns...
ROSI3TH3CAT 18
Oh wait! I just got it! Hahahahaha
ShannyAK 16
You really didn't need to post a comment saying that
SoSickWithIt 14
Neither did you, and neither did I, neither does any one else who comments on FML, why do we do it? Because we can do whatever the **** we wanna do!
spazz666 18
Then should I not post that you're an idiot? Oh. Wait. That was pointless wasn't it? (;
muzy 23
#31: Exactly. Now shut up before I punch an old man in public!
andyyroxx 20
60- You overuse that line. Try something like, "___ and I'll shove a sandpaper covered baseball bat up your rectum". I love that one.
muzy 23
O Rly 65? why don't you tell it to someone who cares
SirEskimo 13
Such hostility on this thread. What happened to the days where could all just get together and laugh at the elderly passing gas?
andyyroxx 20
Apologies, 69. 'Twas just a suggestion.
muzy 23
76: No offence given, none taken. I was just trying to stirr up a fight, but by the looks of things, it's not going so well :|
ROSI3TH3CAT 18
Actually i did have too in my opinion.. Because people were getting there thongs all bunched up over my first comment about not understanding the fml.
ROSI3TH3CAT 18
157 unfortunately i realized that mistake after i posted the comment sorry if it bothered you lol and to defend myself.. I dont think my comment was idiotic. I genuinely didnt understand the fml..everyone needs help understanding sometines im sure im not the only one.
LaLince 40
Why should this be a FML?
Smeelover27 15
Did you know that if someone yells, "Fart!" in a theater, people have to leave in an odorly fashion?
ShannyAK 16
I dont see how this is an fml! I would be laughing my ass off if I were your girlfriend!
MrBrightside21 20
My grandma treated me like a rockstar. Whenever I came over she'd have me sign her breasts. It took forever.
yeti37 16
We forget our grandparents used to be young once, have a great sense of humor, and acted just like us. Good for her!
perdix 31
That's going to be a tough act to follow. It's hard to go on after a comedian that kills, even if it is with poisonous gas.
j4gerb0mblitz 6
Your comments have gotten rather boring Perdix.
BlowinChronic 18
And how many ***** do you think perdix gives?
erockinthesuburb 17
Exactly -5 *****.
OHRAAAHAMERICA 3
AMERICA GON' **** YOU UP
deegeebee 10
Yeah. He'd have to blow snot out his nose or something to follow an act that good.
RedPillSucks 33
Perdix doesn't give *****. He gets them.
OOHRAAAHAMERICA 1
AMERICA GON' **** YOU UP
louiseth 9
Four ***** for you perdix, you go perdix! And none for j4gerb0mblitz bye.
Proughboy 7
13- Congratulations, you bet life
kumonsucks 7
**** thats nasty especially in front of your girlfriend. And to all you bitches saying thats awesome place yourselves in that situation
Senseless_487 29
Oh, please. Lighten up, will you? If I were in that situation, I would have laughed my ass off. I guess it's because I have this thing called a sense of humor, as do all the other people saying how awesome OP's grandma is.
mansen 15
would you rather an old cantankerous grandma giving the evil eye while flipping her dentures in and out of her mouth, refering to the girlfriend as the hussy defiling her innocent grandson in this generation of depravity?
b_rizo 6
this bitch would have joined the fun
U_GotitDude 18
Ahhh shaddup 27
jossii 19
I think they all did.
KiddNYC1O 22
They did place themselves in that situation! And they sure as hell want to be in it!
Jakobaasted 0
Why is it akward when your girlfriend thinks its ******* hilarious?