Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML
Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and another couple. We saw a black bear. I shrieked and peed, while the other guy stepped forward and yelled, "Get outta here!" To my surprise, it ran away. My girlfriend is so ashamed of me that she's refusing to share a tent. I'm sleeping in my truck bed. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I arrived at a campsite, got everything set up, and went for a shower. However, when I got back, a drunken rhino of a woman had crawled into my tent, been sick, then passed out on my freshly-washed bedding. She was so fat I couldn’t even roll her. I had to sleep in my car. FML
Today, I met a girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, and it really was great until her Garfield-sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML
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Top comments
Trebek 0
A raccoon interrupted you getting beaver, eh?
CryingHowls 0
GO RACCOON!
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Comments (151)
dreamsmean 3
ahaa amazing
I_Am_The_Edge 4
I just like the way you put the last line. "I got cockblocked by a racoon" lmfao
farquat5678 0
how the **** did a raccoon rip through a ******* polyester tent?
bryans_fresh 0
I think this is fake.
PyroMicky 0
That is what hunting was invented for in the first place. Some neanderthal got cockblocked by a woolly mammoth so he picked up a big stick and went out to kill the ******.
Psodium 0
ROFL!!! It could have been worse. Like, you know, Jason Vorhees with a machete. More than scared you should be surprised it was a raccoon.
PyroMicky 0
Say, did the raccoon at least stick around to... ya know, finish the job? and #48, you're saying you'd never have sex with anyone you're not in love with and you're telling HIM to get off his high horse? Can you even see the ground from the height of your saddle?
Fahad_fml 0
hahahah he got cockblocked by a raccoon. lmfao. i cant stop laughing. and #57 just cause #47 is saying they wouldnt have sex with someone they arent in love with doesnt mean that theyre on the high horse.
Fahad_fml 0
i meant #48 not 47 ^
brooklyngirl_fml 0
That's funny as hell. Hopefully you exchanged numbers before you went home.