Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML
Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and another couple. We saw a black bear. I shrieked and peed, while the other guy stepped forward and yelled, "Get outta here!" To my surprise, it ran away. My girlfriend is so ashamed of me that she's refusing to share a tent. I'm sleeping in my truck bed. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I arrived at a campsite, got everything set up, and went for a shower. However, when I got back, a drunken rhino of a woman had crawled into my tent, been sick, then passed out on my freshly-washed bedding. She was so fat I couldn’t even roll her. I had to sleep in my car. FML
Today, I met a girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, and it really was great until her Garfield-sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML
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Top comments
Trebek 0
A raccoon interrupted you getting beaver, eh?
CryingHowls 0
GO RACCOON!
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Comments (151)
XxLoveaddictxX 0
LOL!!!!! Maybe the racoon was turned on by all this... wanted to join in on the action?
lmmmr 0
Easy come, easy go.
balbs 0
Sorry bro, but that's one of the funniest ******* things i've ever heard.
The_Master 0
ouch...animal FAIL....
fallingforever_fml 0
XD OMG something similar happened to me . except it was on a beach . . . and involved birds . x_x @OP : you fail at life xD . Racoons dont particularly like beavers .
Diamondlightbulb 0
Huh. This reminds me of an article about a man who tried to rape a raccoon and got his penis bitten off.
bloodlust001 0
lmao damn racoons always cockblocking and twat swatting it just isnt fair >=[
shirvon100 0
sounds like the geico commercial with the two squirells wwho do the fist bump
soohungry 0
At #4, there was a raccoon, beaver, and some wood. Yep, it was definitely a forest affair :P
NoozeHound 0
Mother Nature does not want you to populate.