Today, I discovered via my webcam that my brother believes in teaching babies to self-soothe, which in practice means ignoring my baby until she stops crying, only changing the nappy once in the 7 hours I was at work, and forgetting to feed her at all because he’s too busy watching Netflix. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML
Today, I found out that my partner intentionally acts like she sleeps through our baby's cries in the middle of the night, just to force me to do all the late night feeds and diaper changes. FML
Today, I got further proof my boyfriend isn’t a good dad. I had to leave him for about 4 hours to see my mom in hospital, but when I got home the baby was crying to be fed with a dirty nappy. I asked why she hadn’t been fed or changed. Apparently it never occurred to him that that’s why she was crying. FML
Today, while checking on my mother's photo album, I remembered that I had to take care of my baby brother at age 12 because she worked 60 hours a week and my father was a little too busy with either booty calls or gambling. FML
Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML
Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
Today, when my husband told me years ago he wanted to parent just like his dad used to, I had no idea that meant helping with practical stuff like cooking and nappy changing, but otherwise ignoring our kid's emotional well-being and telling them to buzz off when they try to talk to him. FML
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2 month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk whenever they make a noise. My fridge started beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, "It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright." FML
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Top comments
tounces7 28
Yeah, that's not self soothing, that's child neglect.
AmbrosiaFan 19
omg I'm so sorry to hear this. He shouldn't be allowed to watch her again until he knows better.
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Comments (8)
RichardPencil 32
You get to watch a baby on a webcam for 7 hours at work? You sound productive!
ajh1800 25
She could have watched the record footage when she got home
RichardPencil 32
Well, if she watches 7 hours of baby footage, while he watches Netflix, we now know which one is the "dumb" sibling. Baby viewed by one fixed camera vs. "Tiger King?" It's no contest!
jbuckets_404 39
I highly doubt that she watched it in real-time. Even you, a teacher, can't be THAT gullible, can you?
RichardPencil 32
No, I was being obtuse.
bkwusa 15
I know it's hard to imagine, but I can scroll through my babies whole night in the crib in a mere 10 seconds and see how he moves all night in fast forward.
JasonThorn 23
And you do it so well. Must be the constant practice.
bloopaloop 27
Yeah. Just send your brother to do your work job instead.
tounces7 28
Yeah, that's not self soothing, that's child neglect.
AmbrosiaFan 19
omg I'm so sorry to hear this. He shouldn't be allowed to watch her again until he knows better.
leximichelle 13
It’s only “self-soothing” if the child is otherwise cared for. Meaning clean, feed, and burped if needed. Then you can let them cry for a while (assuming they aren’t sick or in pain for some reason.
AmbrosiaFan 19
a child should never have to "self soothe"... that is horse shit lazy parenting if they do that.
jbuckets_404 39
Time to change your Netflix password!
MandySkittles 18
As a mom of a young child - that is absolutely NOT how you teach a baby to self soothe!! That is tending to the baby at night when crying, in slowly expanding increments so they realize you will keep coming back.. not what your brother did! That is absolutely neglect, a little one can't go seven hours without eating! Please find someone more competent to look after your child. If that was my baby I'd be LIVID!
Nyles Carter 3
Oh no, he would have had to fight me. And after I whooped his ass, I’d tie him up and leave him to self soothe for 7 hours.