Today, I came home to my drunk husband, to find that he raided our fridge and freezer to soothe his beer munchies. That would have been fine, had he not eaten the top tier of our wedding cake I'd been saving to eat on our first wedding anniversary, which is in 4 days. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
Today my husband got drunk and wrecked the house. And when I say wrecked the house, I mean ripping everything off book shelves, Tearing the ceiling fan out of the wall, Opening the fridge and shoveling everything out. Glass everywhere. etc. and this isn’t the first time. I clean up every time. FML
Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML
Today, my husband of one week lost his wedding ring while we were preparing for a dinner party. After a thorough search and no luck, I started to cry. He told me to quit being a drama queen because we had guests. He then got drunk with his friends, puked on the patio, and called me a bitch. FML
Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML
Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML
Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I went all out for my husband on our anniversary. I planned meals, took him to a stage show, and got him a bottle of cologne he loves. He was moody, distant, and at one point crying. Why? He found out his ex-wife is getting married today and he couldn’t stop thinking about her. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
The tradition of eating the top tier on the first anniversary is ridiculous. We tried that, and the cake was as moist as an 80 year old pussy. You should thank him for saving you from eating that.
MarineWifey88 3
My husband spent our first anniversary in Iraq. we didn't get to spend an anniversary together until our 4th anniversary and by then, we were scared of the cake and threw it out.
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Comments (187)
lexiem_11 0
there is thousands of people dying in Japan right now, and you're worried about cake. nice. *sarcasm*
Witchcraft_fml 5
Thank you! OP is a whiney bitch.
CrazyChikklet 5
THAT'S FRIKKEN NASTY
xGraycloud 4
your first wedding anniversary, as in... the cake's a year old? who wants to eat THAT? your husband did you a favor by getting rid of that trash. but idk how good it's gonna go for him...
sammy259 3
gross the cake was probably green
taraheidi 0
you can save cake that long?
jerseyboy732 16
I can't imagine what a one year old slice of cake would taste like
Monsta0118 0
You should probably think about getting a husband that doesn't get seriously drunk 4 days before your anniversary (or preferably one that doesn't get drunk period.)
ssletner 0
once a drunk, always a drunk. and u knew that before u married the insensitive bastard
Civilianswilldie 0
learn how to spell, go to school.
j_cat187 20
hes just fat u gt the munchies from hitting the bong