Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after having a pretty rough day, I decided a nice, hot shower would be great. Ten minutes in, the shower head apparently couldn't take the water pressure anymore, and it flew off and hit me in the face. FML
Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, while trying to relax because I'm sick and I feel like crap, the shower head attachment fell and hit me on the head. FML
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML
Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head, while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water, but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML
Today, I managed to spill piping hot oil all over my kitchen floor, thinking it was too hot to clean right then and there I left it for a few hours to cool. I forgot about it, and slipped over in it bashing my head into my cupboard handle. FML
Today, my kitchen is trying to kill me. So far, I've hit my head three times on cupboards that opened themselves, cut open my hand on the microwave door when it slammed shut, and burned my cheek with the "heat-proof" oven mitt when I pushed the hair off my face. FML
Today, I finally decided to do something productive and clean my room. When I went to pick up the first thing off my floor, I hit my head on my desk and gave myself a concussion. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Nightwing98 22
Wait doesn't everybody keep their tea kettle there?
IOmnomHard 10
That's when he gets a frying pan to the balls when he's sleeping.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (98)
staychill 16
Play a prank back on him!
kamikrazy 6
Do the same thing to him but this time balance 3 on top of his door and fill them up with ice cold water.
Athleticism 11
23- Or, fill them with scalding water. That would show that asshat.
CrewBoy 10
Or you can do the same thing but instead of tea kettles you should light his bed on fire.
MrSassypants 34
#30 So do the exact same thing, but completely different? At least put the flaming bed on top of the door.
bones_17 5
Well Guess he deserves a Air horn in the face in the morning.
ohcheriecherie 20
Do the exact same thing, except with an angry skunk and a can of pepper spray. Always works for me. And I learned some even better ones in prison.
jay2121 3
Have some sound system play Reveille as loud as you can. That still wakes me up quick, fast and in a hurry.
Zoh_Aubrey 8
Shit in his sock.
PoseidonsSon 3
I think the easiest thing to do in this situation is to get another tea kettle, and VERY carefully, burn your entire house down
loopsy_fml 14
Well, at least op is now awake. But, yea, op should get his roommate back good.
Autoshot 9
Do the same exact thing, but instead, spike a fully loaded used condom off his face while he's sleeping.
Nightwing98 22
Wait doesn't everybody keep their tea kettle there?
amba69 0
I do.. I guess apparently it's not an appropriate place according to the rest of the world. :/
Maraudera 6
How did he even get it up there?!
kittenvks 11
34- I don't know maybe... A chair? A step stool? If the roommate is tall enough maybe he reached. It's a door not the Empire State Building
HanaFML 10
Get him back good!
Zedd_fml 8
Looks like your asshat roommate thinks you are a kettle head. Dam dam tsh.
ASD_K 11
58 - what?
IOmnomHard 10
That's when he gets a frying pan to the balls when he's sleeping.
ambear26 14
Asshat I love that word op. Sounds like a very childish and stupid prank. Payback time ..... Unless you want to be adults here but I wouldn't I'd probably get back at my roommate also.
samsaf1989 5
What's an asshat ? Is it like an asshole? I'm so confused right now Ive never heard that word ... Is it an American thing ?
kamikrazy 6
Hat, meet ass. Voilà.
beccaishereyay 11
17- yes. It's what we use when we get tired of saying "asshole". I also think its a little milder than asshole. Ex. 1: My little brother posted an embarrassing video of me online. He's such an asshat. Ex. 2: My ex boyfriend cheated on me, said I was ugly and worthless, the slept with my best friend. I can't believe I dated that asshole.
Schizomaniac 24
Your boyfriend and brother sound like real jerks.
beccaishereyay 11
Note the "Ex." . Meaning "example". Meaning "theoretical". Meaning "made up". Meaning "not true". But thanks for the support anyway.
Schizomaniac 24
Wait, so your brother didn't really post a video of you on YouTube, or...? Why would you lie about something like that?
0RedPenguin0 8
Schitz, If you're going to troll, at least do it well.
Schizomaniac 24
53, you're right. I shall oblige. 49, I initially wasn't serious, but your rebuttal falls apart at "meaning theoretical." Why exactly are you under the impression that an example must be theoretical? Your logic is faulty. An example does not have to be theoretical. It could very well be a real world example. TDLR: You're wrong.
beccaishereyay 11
Why am I wrong?? MY example was theoretical. MY example was made up. I'm not wrong. Your sarcasm didn't come across well so I corrected you on what I meant. Then thanked you in case I sounded like a jerk. Since you didn't mean it, I take my thank you back.
Sinkhole 26
You did say that "Ex." means "example, theoretical, made up, not true". You didn't say that's what it meant /to you/ (that, by the way, would be an awful rebuttal by itself anyway). It's like you didn't read his explanation and jumped right to the "TLDR".
IOmnomHard 10
Ahem. Responding to the initial question... Asshat: When someone has their head so far up their ass, its as if they're wearing it as a hat.
samsaf1989 5
39- Thank you for clearing that up lol, much appreciated :)
0RedPenguin0 8
Give him a headache with the brick you will conveniently place on top of the door
amba69 0
Asshat is the best word ever.
Jumpingmal2 7
His roommate certainly does sound like an asshat... Asshat? I'm nit even sure what that is
walmartpaysme 15
40, please refer to the comments in #6
amba69 0
40- please refer to urban dictionary. "An asshat is a person who is ignorant, having their head up their ass, thus wearing it as a hat." Asshat.
dashizam 10
I first saw it in some of P C Cast's books. Not sure if that's where it came from though.
outoftown 27
Asscricket is a strong second.
kotana191 8
think he would be surprised if he opened the door and a couple of bricks fell on his head?
lucyy123 14
Ass hat reminds me of someone :') I miss her haha. Anyway OP that asshat is stupid do something worse! Good luck
RaRaland 8
Next time he comes into the kitchen throw the tea kettle at his head. Payback is a biotch.