Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
Today, my mom shrieked in horror and burst into hysterical tears when I casually mentioned I was having sex. I've been married for three years. My wife and I have sex. Deal with it. FML
Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy, and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML
Today, I got married and my mom refused to be there because my dad, whose guts she hates, was there even though I promised repeatedly that I would keep them apart. I couldn't do the mother-son dance. She keeps insisting that it was a "lapse in judgment." Yeah, like we're really going to be able to have a do-over. FML
Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML
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Top comments
smallfrie32 6
Well honesty should always be something we strive for, but at least you had the intention of keeping your husband's family happy.
sensoon15 7
Id just tell my husband's family that my mother has an active imagination and makes up these stories when she's drunk.
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Comments (41)
TheDrifter 24
Any wedding before the baby bump is a virgin wedding in my book. Congrats op.
perdix 31
A hypocrite marries a liar with a genetic predisposition for alcoholism, . . . stop me if you've heard this one before. Too bad they don't allow betting pools on divorces. I'd put a C-note that this one flames out within 6 months.
TheDrifter 24
I'll give it 6 years. He's got no problems with dishonesty and she's predisposed to drinking her problems into oblivion.
Calingaladha 21
He's not necessarily a hypocrite. Just because his family is religious doesn't mean he ever put stock in it.
Cinn_fml 23
You lied, you'll have to live with the consequences of the truth coming out. No matter what the reasons for lying, that is always a possibility that one must accept. However, if the highly religious in-laws start giving you hell for it, I'm sure you'll be able to reason with them somehow. Even if you have to resort to "atoning for your sins" in a religious way. Hopefully what they'll suggest/accept something you can do as a gesture for them without any real consequences to yourself, such as confession.
DjeePee 25
Confession? You suggest that they go into confession because they had sex, a completely natural, healthy and loving thing to do? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. If there is anyone who should take this unfortunate moment as an opportunity to revalidate their own life, it are the in-laws.
moimoimoi125_fml 11
I think he just suggested that they could go into confession if it could satisfy her in laws, and that it would not be a big deal for them, not that they should do it because they have sinned or whatever. That being said, I would personaly have a real hard time going into confession for anything, because of my atheism. I just understand the point he was making.
moimoimoi125_fml 11
Oh he actually is a she. My apologies for that
DjeePee 25
By going into confession, they admit that they made a sinful mistake - by which I mean the sex, not the lying. Having voluntary sex with someone you love is not, nada, never a sin nor a mistake. If OP would agree with it, fine, but it sends the wrong signal ("You were right, sex is evil, we're sorry.") to the in-laws
mikeymayhem_87 15
Flame on!! Lol
Cinn_fml 23
Wow did my original point get swamped and ignored. What I meant was that if the OP cannot work it out with the in-laws with normal communication or whatever, then it might be possible for her to participate in something like confession and that might have a better chance of making them behave better towards her about what happened. I did not mean to suggest that she should regret having sex before marriage, that is personal preference for a number of different reasons. Those include religion, Djee, and some people follow it, regardless of whether or not you do.
xcheshirecat 11
And since when it's their business ?
freshlybreezy 15
"we weren't having sex! We were playing twister...in bed...without any clothes...and he slipped..."
captainburke 5
Nervous laugh lol
sougstad 7
Who gets married on a Tuesday??
captainburke 5
She sounds like a lot of fun though! That's embarrassing but I'm sure one day you'll look back and laugh about it. :)
skyeyez9 25
I know a guy whose parents are ultra religious Mormons. Poor guy is almost 30, still a virgin, never had a gf and lives in his parents' basement. He has been Brainwashed by them to allow total control over his life. Wont let him date for fear of him having sex, wont let him move out until he is married. I told him he needs to disown his family, his church and go on and live his life. Nobody should have that much control over you. He is afraid to leave cause he thinks his church will excommunicate him and he will burn in Hell forever as a result. Poor guy.
Keliosan 6
FYL OP. Your mom is an ass. Regardless of being drunk being ignorant of the consequences of your actions does not absolve you from them. Also if your husband's family decides to give you shit for having premarital sex then tell them to go **** themselves. Having sex was your decision and I'm guessing it didn't hurt anyone(unless you're into some kinky stuff). Hopefully your husband isn't one of those people that is attached at the hip to their parents and gets controlled like a puppet especially if they aren't going to respect your decisions as a couple. Best of luck OP, don't let anyone bring down your big day.
supportcommand 17
Good ol booze. Helping to spill secrets for hundreds of years.