Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
Today, my mom shrieked in horror and burst into hysterical tears when I casually mentioned I was having sex. I've been married for three years. My wife and I have sex. Deal with it. FML
Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy, and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML
Today, I got married and my mom refused to be there because my dad, whose guts she hates, was there even though I promised repeatedly that I would keep them apart. I couldn't do the mother-son dance. She keeps insisting that it was a "lapse in judgment." Yeah, like we're really going to be able to have a do-over. FML
Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML
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Top comments
smallfrie32 6
Well honesty should always be something we strive for, but at least you had the intention of keeping your husband's family happy.
sensoon15 7
Id just tell my husband's family that my mother has an active imagination and makes up these stories when she's drunk.
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Comments (41)
chinagirl3343 8
Ydi for lying to them but fyl for it coming out at your wedding.
Lucia_Malpense 14
Yeah. FYL for having religious in-laws. Hopefully your future husband isn't- if he is, FYL even more.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
You already have the ring baby so you're good. They'll just have to get over it.
SwtCherryPie 26
That's what you get for lying. I drive a tank.
whythey 7
oh gosh. good luck to you and your husband. try to say that your mother has an issue and lies excessively.
steph8391 11
Why oh why do people not lock their damn doors? Trust me- once you have kids you better, unless you plan on scarring them for life.
blahblahblah5_x 13
Well, you shouldn't have lied.
N1GHTS 12
Honesty is the best policy :P
texas_redneck88 10
Who in the hell waits until marriage to have sex? This is the way I look at it; sex before marriage is like test drivin' a vehicle before you buy it.
venomousddog 19
87- that's the way you see it but not everyone sees it that way
crazy4uboi 6
You deserve it for lying