Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
Today, my mom shrieked in horror and burst into hysterical tears when I casually mentioned I was having sex. I've been married for three years. My wife and I have sex. Deal with it. FML
Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy, and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML
Today, I got married and my mom refused to be there because my dad, whose guts she hates, was there even though I promised repeatedly that I would keep them apart. I couldn't do the mother-son dance. She keeps insisting that it was a "lapse in judgment." Yeah, like we're really going to be able to have a do-over. FML
Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML
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Top comments
smallfrie32 6
Well honesty should always be something we strive for, but at least you had the intention of keeping your husband's family happy.
sensoon15 7
Id just tell my husband's family that my mother has an active imagination and makes up these stories when she's drunk.
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Comments (41)
BeRealB 4
Well you're screwed
rebel_belle1974 5
It's really a toss up between your life sucks and you deserve it, you shouldn't have been lying to your in laws. Not a good way to start off your new life.
attorco 4
He's a grown man and you're a grown woman (I assume). What you do is your own choice. If it was that big of a deal, then you wouldn't have done it, but you really don't their ideas dictating the rest of your life, do you?
TurtleSmile 14
Then the mature thing to do would be to tell them that. "hey your religious views just aren't for us and were gonna have sex because we don't see anything wrong with it". Communication with your in laws is key.
primitiveplus 8
Shouldn't have lied, OP. While your sex life is your own business, regardless of others' opinions, when you lie it's sort of like cleaning an oven with a lit cigarette in your hand: it's going to explode eventually.
expertsmilee 26
Lying to your parents, ain't a person that don't do it.
Spark_Slicker 19
Well, two things. Your mother is obviously in the wrong for thinking that's a good topic to discuss for a wedding toast, but so are you and your husband for lying to your in laws in the first place. Really crappy way to start off your relationship with them.
LadySigyn 17
Her mother was drunk, aka, she obviously wasnt thinking about how appropriate it was to talk about her daughter's sex life in front of the religious in-laws.
xiaodoggiie 5
Can't imagine life with your in-laws now. Awkward. :/
fleurie 6
Who is to say she walked in on you two? She was drunk...it could have been someone else. I don't condone lying, but I understand your situation in this case.
cmb8280 24
Firstly, I'm not sure why you guys felt the need to tell his family anything about your sex life. Secondly, why would you lie? If two consenting adults want to get busy before they tie the knot there's nothing wrong with that. Be yourself. YDI for lying.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Firstly, you are incorrect. OP's mother told the in-laws about OP's sex life since she walked in on them getting busy. Secondly, OP's in-laws are über religious, so premarital sex is a sin. The lying part is understandable, when dealing with religious folks as such. However, you might want to check your facts next time
kate3101 15
This is why you shouldn't tell the "oh-so-hilarious" sex stories at weddings. I don't understand people who think it's either funny or appropriate to embarrass people at their wedding. You probably shouldn't have lied to your in-laws OP, but at least you're married now.