Today, I had to let my nosy landlord into my apartment to ensure I didn't have an unapproved guest over. Why? Because she overheard me sneeze, and then bless myself. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML
Today, I sneezed while getting my keys from my pocket on the way to my front door, dropped them into a storm drain, and then had to explain to my landlord that my reason for needing the spare key was "seasonal allergies." FML
Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML
Today, after taking a shower, I realised that my landlord was peeking in the whole time through broken ventilator. Once he tried to get into my room, using his keys. I couldn't tell the landlord's wife, as I didn't have any proof so I left the house, even though my rent was long due. FML
Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML
Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said, "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML
Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML
Today, sick of the unfiltered noise we hear from our neighbours in our upstairs apartment, as we're above their fence line, we signed the lease on an apartment downstairs. While I was downstairs, my partner clomped upstairs, opened the bathroom door, and took a piss. I heard EVERYTHING. FML
Today, I was in a quiet library, trying to stifle a sneeze. In the process, I let out an embarrassingly loud and dramatic snort that echoed through the room. Heads turned. Many stared. FML
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Top comments
joonsson 21
If you live in a sane country you don’t have to let your landlord in. And they have no right to control who you have over.
wanted_2_want 40
Did you say "thank you" to yourself? If not, you need to be more polite.
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Comments (25)
Sinshine 28
Why in the world would you not be allowed to have guests? You rent the place, you can do there whatever the hell you want as long as it doesn't change/damage the property. On a side note: Why do you say bless you to yourself??
Traci M 5
tell her you have un-invited ghost guests. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
DanielleinDC 34
Why would you want to have a landlord who wants to approve whatever guests you have? And why do you bless yourself after you sneeze?
zuckerburg 21
If you're not a pope nor a priest, who gave you the right to bless people/yourself? 100 hail mary's for you!
Davros 12
I'd set the table with a couple candles and put a teddy bear, a doll, and a sex doll in chairs leaving 2 empty. when he walked in I'd ask him if he'd like to stay for dinner.
Davros 12
on second thought is also fill a few garbage bags with blankets and put them in the kitchen. Then smear fake blood all over while a bunch of large carving knives lay next to the sink. Have a nice pink roast with a bunch of messed up cuts in it on a serving platter.
roccoman7 7
Is your landlord Mr. Roper?