Today, it's my birthday. I got just three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office, to sing me a happy birthday. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML
Today, it's my 22nd birthday. The only person who remembered was the dentist who sent me a postcard in the mail. I stopped going to him four years ago. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML
Today, I was at a job interview when my phone started ringing. It was my mom, so I quickly hit "Ignore", which was probably for the best since she was obviously drunk. She left a voicemail in which she sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It's not my birthday. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girlfriend if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dialed my number, only to find she had my number saved in her phone as "ASS FACE #3". FML
Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Today, after being in the hospital for two days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, I called my sister to wish her a happy birthday. I sang the Birthday song off-key but in a spirited way, before she interrupted to say, “My birthday was yesterday.” She then added, “By the way, your ex remembered, and I think we're besties now.” FML
Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML
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Top comments
xyzstephzyx 0
best friend...? Yeah, right. punch her in the mouth, that *****. happy birthday!
Aetius_fml 0
At least you have a cool dentist
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Comments (465)
daisysadie 14
well at least its not all bad
tpendy 2
I think is about time to propose to your dentist. As for the other two... probably ask your dentist, they are great listeners!
huntr3ss 1
Sell the ring
rtigers15 8
at least u got a nice dentist lol
Toes14 6
SInce he's breaking the 'contract' by cancelling the wedding plans, he forfeits the ring legally. So don't give it back. Keep it or sell it, and go have some fun instead.
PotatoesAndCake 26
Pawn the ring, punch them both, say thanks to your dentist, eat cake and have a good birthday!
wannabemisanthrope 2
Step 1: Sell ring on Craigslist Step 2: Beat shit out of fiance and ***** of a friend Step 3: Thank dentist's office
wannabemisanthrope 2
Step 1: Thank dentist Step 2: Put ***** of friend in crutches for a month... or two... or a year... or 'til she dies Step 3: Sell ring on Craigslist
wannabemisanthrope 2
Step 1: Thank dentist Step 2: Put ***** of friend in crutches for a month... or two... or a year... or 'til she dies Step 3: Sell ring on Craigslist
wannabemisanthrope 2
Step 1: Thank dentist Step 2: Put ***** of friend in crutches for a month... or two... or a year... or 'til she dies Step 3: Sell ring on Craigslist