Today, it's my birthday. I got just three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office, to sing me a happy birthday. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML
Today, it's my 22nd birthday. The only person who remembered was the dentist who sent me a postcard in the mail. I stopped going to him four years ago. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML
Today, I was at a job interview when my phone started ringing. It was my mom, so I quickly hit "Ignore", which was probably for the best since she was obviously drunk. She left a voicemail in which she sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It's not my birthday. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girlfriend if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dialed my number, only to find she had my number saved in her phone as "ASS FACE #3". FML
Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Today, after being in the hospital for two days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, I called my sister to wish her a happy birthday. I sang the Birthday song off-key but in a spirited way, before she interrupted to say, “My birthday was yesterday.” She then added, “By the way, your ex remembered, and I think we're besties now.” FML
Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML
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Top comments
xyzstephzyx 0
best friend...? Yeah, right. punch her in the mouth, that *****. happy birthday!
Aetius_fml 0
At least you have a cool dentist
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Comments (465)
kayn85 2
omg, I'm sorry to hear that. How's your tooth?
Orchard 33
Oh my God, OP I am so sorry! This is one of the most ****** up FMLs I have ever read.
xDistant 13
I'd keep the ring and end contact with both of them.
pinguino3669_fml 23
At least someone remembered your birthday!! :) and sorry about the other two OP, but it's better that you know now than when you were closer to marriage. :'(
nightbelow 3
Aww, this is sooo sad :( happy burthday
midnightmango 13
Aw I'm sorry! You should go slash the tires in your "best friend" and "finances" car! But make sure you only slash three tires on each car not four! That way their insurance won't pay for it :)
nina739 10
I am srry OP
cookiebaby1135 6
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! btw remember this:.. you're old bestie is a **** and your old man is a cheating lying douche Find someone better for you (: there will always be someone out there for you! (:
Retroredneck 7
hook up with the dentist
BoltTheSuperdog 22
That dentist's office sounds awesome!