Today, my mother was leaving the house to attend her sister's funeral. Just as she was walking out the door, my brain experienced the most horrific shart imaginable, and I uttered through my reassuring smile, "Have a blast." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML
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Top comments
Trix_Disorder 20
Why weren't you going with her? That's your aunt!
2oc 5
I hope her sister didn't die in somr kind of explosion.
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Comments (105)
mistaken4u 12
We had a party after my father's funeral 4 years ago. He would have preferred that than all of us being sad. And some people just don't like going to funerals for whatever reason. Doesn't mean they don't feel sad
daps29 11
I'm pretty sure I would've sharted laughing at this but I pooped earlier
herpina 0
It's quite possible OP was not close to his aunt (note, he didn't refer to her as his aunt, but as his Mother's sister, which suggests a detachment). Also, the fact that he didn't go doesn't necessarily mean he's callous and unsupportive. He may not have been able to take off from work (some bosses aren't sensitive to such matters), or he may have had to watch his or someone's children (funerals are NOT the place for small children if it can be at all avoided), and some people have an extreme aversion/fear/discomfort when it comes to funerals, none of which are easily overcome simply because supporting someone is the right thing to do. Give him a break. Lastly, "...most horrific shart" was the funniest damn thing I've read in a long time. But, yes. FYL just a little bit.
mouammarkadhafi 0
Soon it will be better i hope;(
Historylover 0
Lol, this is funny.....in a sad way.
15949058 4
You aren't going to your Aunts funeral?! WTF?!
littlebluepill 1
Um, why weren't you going to your Aunt's funeral??
cantWin19 8
You seem like a creepy child, get some help.
galactictoast13 22
i cant help but feel how much worse it would be if your aunt had died in an explosion of some sorts
fantasyworld 39
Wouldn't you be going with her.