Today, my mother was leaving the house to attend her sister's funeral. Just as she was walking out the door, my brain experienced the most horrific shart imaginable, and I uttered through my reassuring smile, "Have a blast." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML
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Top comments
Trix_Disorder 20
Why weren't you going with her? That's your aunt!
2oc 5
I hope her sister didn't die in somr kind of explosion.
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Comments (105)
jnick020804 2
Say hi to auntie for........... Shit
dragonlord354 4
Why didn't you go to your aunts funeral with her...?
skylersilcon 3
wow heartless much?
starflyer59 17
silicon in username, duck face, and used phrase "heartless much"...so much failure in one comment.
everydayFML2121 5
46, your pic is sideways...
starflyer59 17
yeah, I don't know why it did that. its straight on my phone, by when I uploaded it, it turned on me.
Karen27 9
Why would you not go with her?
davidson122 0
That's a d*ck move
unknown_user5566 27
A duck move? Haven't heard of that one before.
doglover100 29
Wouldn't you have gone with her?
hateevryone 15
You were better off not saying anything.
miss_amazing86 10
I don't know what reason you had for not going- but seeing someone off to a funeral is always awkward. My friend recently went to a service for someone and as he was going I really wanted to tell him to have a nice time...not because I'm a bitch but because that's what you say to people who are going somewhere. I think that you probably should have joined your mom to support her but in all honesty the "have a blast" is an understandable slip of the tongue....I just hope you apologized..quickly.
KiddNYC1O 22
You sound very mature.
williamcarter93 13
Just because it was his aunt, doesn't mean he was close to her. he called her 'mother's sister' for crying out loud. I could definitely understand not going to the funeral of someone you weren't really close to, as well as saying the wrong thing. It happens sometimes.
HurryUp_and_BUY 6
I hate arguing over the internet but to the person who wrote you can understand why he would choose not to go to the funeral of someone he wasn't close to. It's not about HIM! It wasn't and still isn't! It was about his aunt and his mother who probably needed his support. I don't care if I get thumbed down for this. OP, you are a terrible, selfish person.
DedaGrotesque187 0
Just wanted to point out that this "he" you two speak of, is a she. lol and if you don't know someone and they're your family... that's obviously not where you need to be while the people who loved them are in mourning. its obviously best she stayed home. could you imagine what someone like this would say at a funeral??? lol