Today, my mother was leaving the house to attend her sister's funeral. Just as she was walking out the door, my brain experienced the most horrific shart imaginable, and I uttered through my reassuring smile, "Have a blast." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML
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Top comments
Trix_Disorder 20
Why weren't you going with her? That's your aunt!
2oc 5
I hope her sister didn't die in somr kind of explosion.
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Comments (105)
thundergirl_fml 2
Ouch. Harsh :(
RaggleFrock 13
Well your aunt will have a blast...if she's being cremated. Seems pretty shitty that you weren't going with her, it was your aunt after all.
wetFeline 3
Sounds like your mom stiffed you after the one eh?
Trix_Disorder 20
Why weren't you going with her? That's your aunt!
syley 5
Maybe he has a younger sibling (that the mother doesn't want to go to a funeral) to look after while she's gone or maybe he never even knew her or maybe he simply didn't want to go. There are numerous reasons, some good some bad, that a person wouldn't attend an aunt's funeral, these were just a few I came up with.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
^ She*
candylandy 1
Who cares the circumstance, if it's important to their mom then they should at least go for support.
metalwolf 17
You are correct, the circumstances never matter. Even if OP had a sibling who was sick at home and needed to be taken care of, OP would still be a horrible person for not going.
missamazinggg 12
If OP's sibling was sick, she should stay home to take care of said sibling. It'd be worse to leave the sibling home alone.
your_face 15
Guys, I'm pretty sure 64 was sarcastic.
JonnyGoldsmithXX 0
85 - sarcasm on the Internet? Get outta town!
2oc 5
I hope her sister didn't die in somr kind of explosion.
Irishgypsy 2
I hope your aunt didn't die in an explosion Noodle beat me. Damn it
blaackandprouud 20
You mean 2oc beat you to it.
Irishgypsy 2
Yes I do. 2oc types faster than I do. I know I know I look like a douche right now.
GovernorGeneral 8
^ it's ok. It happens. ;o
hockeyoceancity 13
Why you get thumbed down i will never know... Less then a minute difference.
2oc 5
Don't worry about it, after i clicked send your came up so. Can voche we wrote at the same time.
Irishgypsy 2
Thanks guys and ladies
thatKidzmOm 10
:-D you called him noodle. That's funny!
faithxoxox 1
And if he changes his picture, no one will have any idea why.
flutter4 7
Why didn't you go to your aunts funeral to support your mom?
everydayFML2121 5
Cuz bitches be crazy
Trisha_aus 15
RIP Aunt Anonymous
dude1122332 9
She will be missed.
everydayFML2121 5
Gone but not forgotten
ifuckmonsters 5
Maybe they'll all go party after the funeral to lift their spirits.
MURIKKA 11
That'll solve everything.
MCRaddict15 15
Why would you go to a party after a funeral? If anything, I don't think that I would have fun at a party right after a funeral. I would be pretty bummed out and drink a lot.
asinforasin 1
^^its called a wake(I'm not sure if that's how you spell it, I've never written it down)... Sometimes it's just like lunch or something, but there's been one at every funeral I've ever gone to
XTheDesertSongX 17
It's The Land of Ooh, by the way, not Ooo.
ifuckmonsters 5
^^Thank's for the correction.
Trix_Disorder 20
It actually is Ooo.
perdix 31
Not going to your own aunt's funeral tells me all I need to know about your character. Your mom has long ago given up on listening to the garbage that comes out of your mouth.
MedKits 9
Really? There are many legitimate reasons a person is unable to attend a funeral. You can't judge a persons character based off a few sentences about them. That would be ignorant.
davidson122 0
Wow yes you can, Its your aunts funeral and If you can be that rude not to show up then you are a horrible nephew
perdix 31
#40, it's possible, but I think unlikely. There are almost no places that will not let you attend a family funeral. I don't know of the OP had a bad relationship with her aunt, but she should have gone for her mom's sake.
everydayFML2121 5
Ignorance breeds intolerance. Perdix, I'm disappointed in your rush to scold op when you have such little knowledge on the situation at hand. Jumping to conclusions is a bad thing to do in almost any situation.
alisidewinder 9
What of they couldn't afford all to go? When my husband's aunt died we couldn't go because we couldn't afford it at the time. Plus I was very sick so couldn't fly. There are reasons as to why people can't go. Most of them are worthless, but some are legit. Who knows what OP's excuse was.
doctorhook86 25
I'm guessing that the OP didn't know her well since she called her her mom's sister rather than her aunt. That said, I've gotta defend perdix; there are precious few excuses for skipping a relative's funeral... Plus, do it for your mom!
doctorhook86 25
I'm guessing that the OP didn't know her well since she called her her mom's sister rather than her aunt. That said, I've gotta defend perdix; there are precious few excuses for skipping a relative's funeral... Plus, do it for your mom!
curlyfry33 8
I agree with mr. Foremen, the guy sitting alone, and the dog. You never know what the situation is and should never judge people on only hearing half of the story, sometimes your right but other times you look like a bigger dick than what you claim the other person to be.
LemonandLime 13
I didn't go to my aunts funeral but my mum did. Why? I never knew my aunt. I felt uncomfortable being at a funeral while people are upset, because I would feel like an imposter. Does that make me a bad person perdix?
hardehar 9
Our family had a big argument that split us down the middle. My mum went to my aunts funeral because it was her sister, but noone else went with her
LN666 2
Good on you :) Yes there could be MANY reasons he didnt go. dont judge. he is probably really ill, or it was probably personal reasons.
LN666 2
Sorry. I meant "good on you to #80" for stating a point.
perdix 31
#80, that's a very unusual situation. Sure, there are scads of very unlikely scenarios that excuse the niece's absence, but it's most likely that she's just a shit.
FurryRocks 10
I was on a canoe trip instead of a family funeral and they didnt let me go to it
baseballguy06 0
she seemed nice(:
mydadpulledout 17
Why the hell were you not at your own aunts funeral? Let alone not caring enough to actually be sensitive about the situation???