Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, as usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML
Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML
Today, I was taking some "me time" when my neighbor drove past and saw me. What I failed to realize was that my dog had pushed the shades open for my body to be right on display. FML
Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. While chatting with another dog owner, my dog managed to steal their sandwich and ran off with it. I had to chase my sandwich-thieving dog through the entire park. FML
Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML
Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML
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Top comments
DomiLove 26
Stupid dog! You make me look bad! (Courage the Cowardly Dog reference x))
teapotrevolt 27
That is so mortifying..... Pets do some crazy things, I'm sorry OP...
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Comments (57)
CrazyOvrMustangs 10
And that's why you keep those things hidden in a drawer...
ndnpride88 25
Now it has different grooves for pleasure lol
Soggybuns123 10
At least now you have a textured vibrator. Usually that costs extra!
pseud0nym 13
I feel a bit worse for the dog. It put something in its' mouth and...oh all the places it's been... Poor dog...
DenverTyrrell 13
I wouldn't be worried if people saw it...I'd be worried about if it still works! :P tbh people probably wouldn't notice or care about it.
mld4657 28
well just go on youtube and see if there's any videos. or Facebook and see if there's pictures if not you should be okay
jdcg116 10
Imagine getting home and the dog is sitting there "I have a bone to pick with you..."
worldclassrager 41
Maybe a pool torpedo wouldn't be a bad idea for him to chew on for future reference
kkimmie 1
Why does you leave that shit out in the open for your dog to get????
Sakuraashita 15
Maybe they only saw the handle and couldn't tell for sure what it was?