Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, as usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML
Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML
Today, I was taking some "me time" when my neighbor drove past and saw me. What I failed to realize was that my dog had pushed the shades open for my body to be right on display. FML
Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. While chatting with another dog owner, my dog managed to steal their sandwich and ran off with it. I had to chase my sandwich-thieving dog through the entire park. FML
Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML
Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML
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Top comments
DomiLove 26
Stupid dog! You make me look bad! (Courage the Cowardly Dog reference x))
teapotrevolt 27
That is so mortifying..... Pets do some crazy things, I'm sorry OP...
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Comments (57)
Jewey_McJewerson 8
Sorry OP but how could your pet get to wherever your vibrator was? You should keep it safe in a drawer somewhere
apineapple 40
Some dogs can be smart enough to get into drawers.
sweetbliss3 37
the only thing I can think about this is was it at least clean? maybe put your next one up a little better time.
vaguelyconfused 3
Good god, who wouldn't clean a vibrator before they put it away? *shudder*
keiNan_fml 35
i wonder how the dog found out that
IWishIWasObama 12
you deserve it. if a dog was able to get to it, you deserve it.
MissBehavin77 18
Agreed. I never leave mine just laying around wherever.
False_Stupidity 42
Then again, dogs can get into the weirdest places that you might not think they could get into.
lord_meloetta 20
I bet you can make it seem like something else if you ask or someone asks you about it. FYL anyway though OP.
allplayedout 20
If it's not veiny and realistic, maybe they'd just think it was an actual dog toy. I mean, from far away, who can really tell a blue silicone vibrator from a blue rubber bone? Ha, bone...I'll see myself out.
RedPillSucks 33
What if it looks like a penis. Now neighbors thinks she feeds the dog with her ex-boyfriends body parts
allplayedout 20
If it is realistic, that's a whole different ball game. Although if she has annoying neighbors, and they think she's a penis predator, hopefully all she'll need to do to shut them up hereafter is giggle a bit and give em the Forest Whitaker eye
PengiPou 12
I guess you weren't the only one getting the vibrator wet
ostfaiz 18
No please do not imagine, this imagination would lead you to an ****** ;) FYL
captainsmegma 12
Have you not heard about dog treats. You can get them at the store, probably not at the one you bought your ***** at.
tony1891 22
now imagine this dog was a Chihuahua.