Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, while we changed positions, he shouts, "Power Rangers - It's Morphin' Time!" FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said, "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
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Top comments
Psychotic_Snail 0
hahaha hes a keeper
dragsdotasniper 2
funny bf
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Comments (223)
ArthursLifeSucks 2
HAHAHA does he work for NASA?
josieB666 0
ooooooo at least he was thrusting as fast as possible ;)
ImaginaryFoe 1
"At least"? You have much to learn, young padowan.
Jizwold 0
everyone's different
TheLetterZero 7
Hot and heavy? So you're so fat you start sweating from how hard it is to have intercourse? Good to know.
EmmyGrangerDC 0
23, win.
SmallTownCutie 0
epic win.
Dodie__fml 2
23, they started launch sequence after it was hot and heavy.
coolp3son 0
uhhh well now we all know you've never had sex..... fail
Alleged_Cranium 7
Did he have a successful launch? a premature launch? did he send you into orbit?
All_For_Love 0
and this is bad why...? ;)
raytaybinks 0
that's what I was thinking. it's kinda adorable. sounds like something my bf would do. you gotta be relaxed so if the guy finds something to make it funny but not kill the mood your good
amanda_rudnicki 0
did he have a blastoff ;) that would feel so good (L)
Cass3m0 0
"Launching missiles in 5...4...3...2...OH!"
BonyorBobby 4
I thought the faster the better ;)
22cute 17
you thought wrong, My friend! seriously, remember the song about a man with a s-l-o-w hand....the guy that would spend some time?
RedPillSucks 33
Exactly. It's not rabbit sex. More like elephant or whale.
lil_ham1644 29
Can't we combine the two? Seriously go at different speeds, not just one
jujubeewhoopie 0
I'll say it. YDI OP for having sex outside of marriage. Period.
elmousey 5
"CAUTION... Contents may be stinky."
sourgirl101 29
Houston, we have a problem. Lighten up. I would have flipped him over and started to sing "Gound control to Major Tom".
gotmilk23 0
now that is funny!
ohthebloodygore 16
This is Ground Control to Major Tom. You’ve really made the grade, And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear! David Bowie FTW, SG.
Doortje 30
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on!
Doortje 30
:-)