Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Turns out he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML
Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad came to pick me up, but after I had put my backpack in the back seat and closed the car door, he drove off without me. It started to rain, and I was without my phone or wallet. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML
Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML
Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
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Top comments
Lalala579121 28
There ain't no party like a search party.
jcash52426 5
Maybe he's freaking out that is baby is all grown up and that was how he reacted to it
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Comments (42)
lusanna 19
Oh hey we have the same birthday, happy birthday and you're not the only one with a shitty birthday, I feel you bro
shikushiku39 11
Thank you! And, happy birthday to you, too, bro!
bickdig69 8
I got drunk and started waving my schlong at traffic got arrested asked why something about public indecency what ever that is
jcash52426 5
Maybe you dad has Health problem that he did it tell you about. I don't think any dad ( unless there a complete asshole) would do something like this on purpose. Sit down talk with him and figure out what he needs to get better.
jcash52426 5
Maybe he didn't want to send you a dirty dirty pic of himself to you. Dirty dirty meaning he wasn't clean or up to par with his cleanliness and after he poops then he can do that and sext is wife.
jcash52426 5
Oops thought I was posting to a different FML.
J352SAURUS 30
How in the hell have you not been downvoted?
jcash52426 5
Maybe because I said that I made a mistake.
BREADFAN 5
Happy bday op!
shikushiku39 11
Thank you! :)
zenrael 21
Sounds like my sweet sixteen.
shikushiku39 11
I'm sorry to hear that. :( Hope this year's birthday was/is much better than that one! :)
keke010 7
Yesterday was my birthday too lol so happy belated birthday, birthday twin!!!!
shikushiku39 11
Same to you, birthday twin.
mary_13 26
Man that is terrible what an asshole, I hope your birthday was not all bad and you were at least able to have some fun somehow. :)
shikushiku39 11
OMG Thank you! :)
Kihdd 8
could be worse. the last words my dad said to me before he got arrested was "I'll be right back, son."
rockon327 2
It was my birthday too!!!
shikushiku39 11
Happy belated birthday to you. :)