Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML
Today, we had an emergency lockdown drill. The closest room to me was the bathroom, so I rushed in and went into one of the stalls like I was supposed to, only to find out that a girl in the stall next to me was shitting. And it didn't seem like she was going to be done anytime soon. FML
Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML
Today, I mustered up the courage to take a dump in a public toilet so I went to the disabled toilet in our university library. I did my thing, the flush didn't work, I pulled the red string thinking it would do something and a buzzer started ringing throughout the whole university. FML
Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one who's in my math class, noticed me, despite me trying to hide. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
spaerro 8
As the fables of old say: That's a pretty shitty situation.
msCherry973 2
Look on the bright side, you were the first one to safety :-)
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Comments (122)
spaerro 8
As the fables of old say: That's a pretty shitty situation.
Sandsh8rk 36
That's a pretty 'crappy' attempt at a pun. Dont you have anything better to say?
dinorider_fml 4
That pun blew me away
a_commenter 3
Your puns are all stinkers.
kj51 5
Why would the whole school go into the washroom during a tornado bs
HunterAlpha1 8
you need to eat some chocolate to help flush away the humiliation.
afuckedlife 4
Shitbreak?
doctorhook86 25
3: Funny, but you're dating yourself with this 12 year old American pie reference
deBlobX 12
How do you break shit? Wouldn't it just liquefy?
innavoiG 9
31 - Depends on what you ate...
Codezlol 21
30- sheesh man I can't believe it's been 12 years. Now I feel old.
sirpantselot 22
30, American Pie is timeless mate!
gmc_blossom 21
3- Stifler? Is that you? :O
doctorhook86 25
46, 49: Agreed and agreed. Let's just take solace in the fact that we all still got the joke, even in our old age (our mid-twenties).
PrincessPesa 20
Hey Doctor Hook, I have no problem dating myself. I have great taste in music, love great food and humor, and I'm incredible in the sack. I also have a tight 25 yr old (that's right!) body- but I'm still a bit too petite to properly stick a flute up my pussy. Alas.
GracesDelirium 9
For the record, sticking a flute up one's pussy is a rather bad idea. I speak from experience. Don't judge me.
msCherry973 2
Look on the bright side, you were the first one to safety :-)
Feared 9
And probably the only one saying "safety", due to the stench and squeaky fart noises.
SeedlessMe 13
45- They do the doorknob game in Canada?! I had no idea it was that widespread...
CandyPrince 6
Its been around here for a long time you have no idea!
Elegance 7
Because the sturdy bathroom stalls will provide enough protection from a raging tornado. Logic.
Bullpine 11
In the bathrooms at my school, there are no windows and the walls are made out of concrete with steel beams in the ceiling. If OP's school is like mine than it would probably give adequete protection.
pogue36 5
Kind of like if huddling under you desk is going to protect you from a nuke.
onlychildFTW 34
If its anything like my school the bathrooms have very large 6 foot windows.
devandanae 11
They wouldn't send them Somewhere with windows even in a drill by the way.
kyat288 9
OMG!
PeteyPablo12308 20
Omg!!! I totally know what you mean!!! How insightful!
GothicAngel17 24
What an incredibly intelligent comment... Next time, either say something worthwhile or shut the hell up.
Faatz 4
I hope you werent having explosive diareaha.
sarah6786 14
Even though you pooped out that word you still have a valid point.
kofeinisti 6
Right, because you can choose when and where to have EXPLOSIVE diarrhea...
NickPaulson 6
People always are so concerned with germs, but we need germs, it helps build up a tolerance to it, we have to face them at some point, the world isn't sterile
klovely22 13
51- I guess you shouldn't use your phone then. It's dirtier than a public toilet seat.
bReLiNg 18
*plop* Students and teachers: "huh? What was that? Is somebody taking a dump?" Op- curls up to themselves near an anxiety attack Poor Op :(
Sandsh8rk 36
No shit (no pun intended), that's why it's on this website.
sarahlouise0506 10
Hopefully you didn't stink them out OP
lovemesomeanth 2
Taking a dump at school is the worst, especially when someone else in the bathroom knows you're doing it, so you have to wait them out and be late to class.
wubbazugg 5
That's just immature. Any student gave me that bs excuse, would fly about as well as an iron pig.
heygirlie777 21
Not immature...common.
hazardoussmiles9 22
My friend always walks to a nearby stadium if he needs to take a shit during school time because the bathrooms there are much cleaner. It also makes him 20 minutes late to class most of the time, but at least he doesn't have to deal with other students hearing him.