Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML
Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished, I jokingly said, "Who's going to sleep in the wet patch?" He got up and said, "You're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing." It was my first time. FML
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML
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Top comments
leearm104 4
that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. youre definitely a virgin if you think you could confuse pussy with a hole in a mattress.
smdrager 0
We can't all be good... practice makes perfect.
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Comments (115)
mostly_emo_loser 0
Refer back to "Shit on his chest"
dk_fml 0
Hope he's now your ex-boyfriend
TreRadical 0
lol @ all the assholes saying that he was joking. it was your first time, a good boyfriend wouldn't "joke" like that. he's just a douche.
stolen_sammich 0
was that sarcastic? because applebees is notoriously overpriced and stingy with their portions. and im pretty sure if the sex was "terrible", he probably had more to do with it than you did.
dcapp 0
ohhhhhh goodness :(
kellster 2
What an asshole! Ugh, get out of there!
Defenseless 0
You get what you pay for.
sween 0
the guy should've been a little more grateful, but honestly, that's your fault if you didnt make it enjoyable for him. you also have to realize that he was being sarcastic. some guys dont really let on and make you think they actually mean what they say.
MissFortune_fml 0
Horrible compared to what exactly? o.O
KiyatsuFox 0
It's the first time, he's stupid for judging right after that one time.