Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML
Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML
Today, and over the years, my wife has methodically destroyed our house, insisting she is good at DIY. Our house is either in bits, half-finished or falling apart. I had it confirmed by a realtor, who assessed the house as worth 100 grand less than we paid for it. It’s a building site with a roof. FML
Today, my husband got paid. I checked our bank account and was shocked to see we'd only received $300. I called him, insisting that there was some mistake. He said he'd started a new bank account in his name so he could manage our money on his own, and the $300 was my "allowance". I now want a divorce. FML
Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML
Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML
Today, my husband broke the vase and smashed the chandelier in the hallway, all because I asked him who he was on the phone with. His exact words were, “Do you ever just mind your fucking business? Goddamn!” Oh, and he told me I have to buy a new vase and replace the chandelier. FML
Today, I got super psyched up about a landscaping project my wife denied last year that she's finally game for, which will both fix a water leak into the house, and make our backyard look amazing. I took a week of PTO, then 20 minutes later my wife called to tell me a tree in our back yard fell over. We're also probably getting divorced. FML
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Top comments
Incognico 22
I feel a special vibe... And predict a sinkhole in your wallet...
muarif 19
Chill. Breathe in and out. Let the Chi flow through you....open up your chakras!
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Comments (62)
lat187 18
You better take care of that "sinkhole of chi energy". I lost my roof to it! I mean it just so happened that there were termites and a tornado came through, but still a man with crystals, sounds legit.
niccepel 8
You'll probably lose more money from the divorce rather than just paying the dude?
R2Y2 22
Or..how about neither? And if OP's wife is this stupid then it might be worth it
allforfun 23
That is the absolute truth
alkerh 8
Have to think long term, today its 300, tomorrow? Next year? Cutting your losses is a valid plan.
Incognico 22
That's cool, in netherlands under this FML, an advertisement for a clairvoyant appears... Yeah for Google display ads
ironik69 31
Mine is for Clash of the Titans.
Cads1 24
Yet more evidence the human race is doomed.
CommentKing207 23
What happened to logic and being smart
ea247 20
Damn i hate it when chi sinkholes come out of no where!
meghancuma 14
How did you not realize the stupidity when you married her?
leogachi 15
Maybe she was hot and sweet enough that it didn't matter before and now he can't handle it?
bnbhimp 10
She probably has amazing boobies.
razoray9 22
That's the reason. It's always the boobies
WardenWolf 26
I agree with you, OP. If she's that dumb, leave her.
ladyg228 15
With free public education offered around the world this level of stupidity should cease to exist?!?!?
MandieL 27
Free public education around the world? What planet do you live on? And regardless, this isn't something that school can fix, this is a type of religion and something that many people actually believe in. There are unfortunately people who take advantage of the more moldable people like this. Just because she is extremely gullible doesn't mean she is stupid. (Although they do usually go together) regardless, unless they were married a week after they met, OP should have noticed this aspect of her. Divorce should never be the first option. They got married for a reason and throwing that connection away because of something so trivial that may be cleared up by a good talk and a bit of work, is just a waste. It's so funny how so many people talk about who and who should not be able to get married based on the sanctity of it, but they are so quick to agree with divorce. OP, it sucks your wife is allowing herself to get taken advantage of, but everyone has flaws that they need help with, that's where you, as her partner, come in to help.
imtiredtoo 5
Yeah but free.. You get what you pay for
katachristic 19
22 was probably referring to Wikipedia, Khan Academy, etc. which DO offer very high quality self education. Nearly every subject at the bachelor level and below is covered entirely somewhere on the web for free. The problem is that stupid and uneducated are different things, you can't fix stupid, and you can't help people who don't want to be helped.
VeganDarkLight 31
Not everyone has access to internet though and it isn't free either.
alex_gen 39
So she gave him a fake crystal and used a fake accent to get him to check out your apartment? Sounds to me like she gave him b.s. payment and he gave her b.s. results?
blinked_281 29
No, the wife paid him $300. The guy who claims the complex is gonna fall apart had a fake crystal and accent.
Johnnycake23 42
I had to read it twice to realize the guy was fake not the wife