Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML
Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML
Today, and over the years, my wife has methodically destroyed our house, insisting she is good at DIY. Our house is either in bits, half-finished or falling apart. I had it confirmed by a realtor, who assessed the house as worth 100 grand less than we paid for it. It’s a building site with a roof. FML
Today, my husband got paid. I checked our bank account and was shocked to see we'd only received $300. I called him, insisting that there was some mistake. He said he'd started a new bank account in his name so he could manage our money on his own, and the $300 was my "allowance". I now want a divorce. FML
Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML
Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML
Today, my husband broke the vase and smashed the chandelier in the hallway, all because I asked him who he was on the phone with. His exact words were, “Do you ever just mind your fucking business? Goddamn!” Oh, and he told me I have to buy a new vase and replace the chandelier. FML
Today, I got super psyched up about a landscaping project my wife denied last year that she's finally game for, which will both fix a water leak into the house, and make our backyard look amazing. I took a week of PTO, then 20 minutes later my wife called to tell me a tree in our back yard fell over. We're also probably getting divorced. FML
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Top comments
Incognico 22
I feel a special vibe... And predict a sinkhole in your wallet...
muarif 19
Chill. Breathe in and out. Let the Chi flow through you....open up your chakras!
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Comments (62)
Ipsum629 13
I wholeheartedly recommend a divorce. this kind of woman is all kinds of crazy.
calebmeasner123 6
Right... Because divorce is the answer to everything right?? Smh?
lantz4levi 19
Sorry op but your wife's a dumbass
PurpleLover20 11
and you let her have money? oh boy i feel sorry for your wallet
Brookiepooooh 10
Shank them both.
chisty87 16
this is the first fml ive read thats from one of the former yugoslavia countries..."hello neighbor"...but sucks you have a idiot for a wife op
WOTAN1488 24
Get the divorce.
kingnothing123x 11
They can't all be winners mate
trey600rr 22
pay him to tell her to get a divorce and leave you with everything or she will be swallowed up by the sink hole!
Drosophila82 18
Hey man, don't beat yourself over it. Kim Kardashian consulted her psychic about her pregnancy and that stupid bitch can bail Greece out of bankruptcy. You just can't fix stupid.