Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Today, after explaining that I never want kids, I was asked, "Are you sure? I have really strong swimmers." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Cantswim
United States
Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML
worldsmosthonestdad
Today, I got a call from my 8-year-old's 3rd grade teacher. Apparently a question went around class asking, "Why do you think you were put on this Earth?", and my son answered, "My dad says it's because I swam the fastest." FML
Anonymous
Elizabethtown, United States
Dirty mind
Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML
Anonymous
Speedo Gonzalez
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff
Behave!
Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML
shizzy09
United States
Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML
joshinbaltimore
United States
Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML
AFH2O
Visalia, United States
Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML
Anonymous
Sacramento, United States
So, about that second date…
Today, on a date, I told the guy I could swim. He suggested we race. I agreed to impress him. I jumped in, immediately panicked, inhaled water, and had to be helped out by a 10-year-old with floaties. He asked if I lied about anything else. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML
Top comments
PhoenixChick 26
And Michael Phelp's mother has never regretted changing her mind
RichardPencil 32
Is this your husband or boyfriend saying this? You definitely don’t want his kids — stupidity is a dominant gene.
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Comments (9)
PhoenixChick 26
And Michael Phelp's mother has never regretted changing her mind
RichardPencil 32
Is this your husband or boyfriend saying this? You definitely don’t want his kids — stupidity is a dominant gene.
cornyrob 33
Uh-oh, you don't know that the one-night stands he had in the past all resulted in kids.
BurnInDemonFire 39
"In that case, you can go **** yourself. Wouldn't want to waste them."
Chazzster 32
OP - What this means is that he has gotten women pregnant in the past, presumably women who did not plan on getting pregnant. Henceforth remember that he has a tendency to do that regardless of if you want children or not. If you are on the pill, at least you are in control of the birth control, if not either get on it immediately or walk away unless you are married to the jerk.
littlekellilee 45
Don't worry, there's more fish in the sea. Just jump back in the dating pool and you'll find yourself a catch in no time.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Wait, how does he know? Has he fathered someone else's kid?
BeachMammal 8
I hope you told him to find a different pool.