Nearly FMLs

Today, I found out that the “nice guy” I had a fling with a few months back, who broke up with me for medical reasons, actually had a side boo he was continuously seeing/talking to, while trying to pursue me. He hasn’t come clean either; he just acted like his sickness was ruining his life. FML

Today, as a Gen Zer, I can confirm that yes, we are in fact very screwed. The jokes about teens and young adults not being able to read for shit are 100% true, as are the jokes about them being rude, misogynistic, entitled, etc. Every day I wonder how in the hell I'm in the same age group as these people. FML

Today, I found out that my bone marrow disease (Polycythemia vera) has turned pretty serious. It gives me a life expectancy of 3 to 7 years, if I'm lucky. I still tell people I am OK. FML

Today, it seems that I can't enjoy anything without people making it political. For example, this website. FML

Today, my father has been dead for a year, my step-family is still fighting over his money, my wife wants a divorce, I'm stuck in a job I hate, I don't make enough money to stay in my home of 22 years, and I'm too old, sick, and injured to start a new life. FML

Today, and like the last three years, my soulmate told me how much she loves me and wants to me with me. The problem is we’re both already married. FML

Today, I realized that every single story I've submitted to the FML site has been posted, without exception. I don't know whether to be pleased at the results, or depressed that my experiences have been so fully qualified to be on the site. FML

Today, I was at a casual Magic the Gathering game at my local gaming store. The owner had a deck that generates a bunch of tokens every level. He didn't like that I endgamed a player on his team, so he sent all of his tokens after me. I played a card that cancels all damage and gives +1 life for each attacker. I'm banned for life. FML

Today, I spent my birthday alone. I had only one person come, and I had three mental breakdowns. It makes me sad how I have zero to none friends, despite having tried over and over, and I can't. I hate my life, I hate myself for being born abnormal, it kills my self-esteem. I hate relying on people. FML

Today, I like you. I want to confess to you personally, but I know you still haven't moved on. Every night in bed I would always wonder if I could be him. Someday I hope I can tell you about my feelings for you, but for now this will be enough. FML

Today, I'm in a committed relationship, but I also have strong feelings for a girl I work with and she's also in a committed relationship. FML

Today, if I had an FML account, I would probably be extremely close to or even have the badge for voting on every single FML on the website. I may need a hobby. FML

Today, whether my life improves or worsens, my mind and soul are dying. I don't know the last time I cried for any reason. I'm a black man in America. Guess I'll keep my head down, work hard, and love my family while patiently waiting for the lord to show me a better life. Tired. FML

Today, I fucked up by telling my friends with benefits that I loved him, and that I would love to have his babies. FML

Today, everyone in the whole school won’t stop calling me an idiot for being in a remedial math class. I’m in AP English. FML

Today, I had enough of the glitches in this app, so I was gonna try to reinstall it, only to find out that I've been using an outdated app no longer in the App Store, which keeps crashing by even just trying to open comments… ever since there apparently was a new FML app. FML

Today, I woke up to the news that a sexist, fascist, white supremacist, wannabe dictator criminal won a historic victory in the first part of my country's election. Here we go again. FML

Today, my wife threw a massive tantrum, saying she’d been home with the baby all day and that I’m ungrateful. What did I do to deserve this? Asked why she didn’t cut the crust off the sandwich she made me after I got home from work. FML

Today, I went to an Italian restaurant with a woman. Everything was going fine, until she said she didn’t want any grated parmesan on her pasta. I just got up and left. FML

Today, after 9 months of war in my country and losing everything to it, I finally made it into a neighbouring country. On the road, the bus stopped at a checkpoint. I got off to buy water. On my way back, I found out someone pickpocketed my phone. I've had it for almost 5 years and it was the only pre-war item I still own. FML

Today, my dad got laid off because there wasn't any work at the job on his shift. He's an old-fashioned person who's the only one in the house who has a job. Not sure what we're gonna do. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, a few days before or one year anniversary, all because he thinks that he isn't treating me right… but I feel like in the back of my mind that he could possibly be cheating on me. FML

Today, I realized that I'm falling in love with two different men and I don't know which one to choose, because they are both amazing in their own ways. FML

Today, I got the mail. Hmm, I wonder what I got. Yay, more bills! FML

Today, another one of my pants was ripped in the crotch. Due to having big thighs, this happens to me a lot. I wear them for a short time, then they’re unwearable anymore. FML

Today, while interviewing a 20-something for a job, he revealed he knew several nicknames for Anime and Pornography. One was Pornog. FML

Today, I was so bored I found that FML and 9GAG are still around. FML

Today, like every day, I sign off as FML cos it’s my initials. F.M.L. FML

Today, FML has not updated in weeks and I am getting nervous. Downloaded the updated app, no updates, now I miss the old app. I have been a loyal FML fan since high school which was 10 years ago. I hope new FMLs are coming. FML

Today, my cat said farewell and died. He went up in my face, demanding some love. Then he went over to his pillow, laid down and stopped breathing. FML