Nearly FMLs

Today, I had a really good first date with a guy. We hit it off, so much so that it led to sex. Two days later I wasn't able to stop thinking about him and told him how I felt and he thought that I was cute. Days have gone by and turns out I was the only one interested in the relationship. FML

Today, I tripped over the crack in the sidewalk. This is a regular occurrence. FML

Today, I was at the store with my 8-year-old daughter and we saw an Indian woman. She asked why that lady has a dot on her head, so I yelled at her for being disrespectful. She cried and said “I just wanted to learn more about the culture...” FML

Today my sister asked me to drop off her husband’s lunch since his office is on the way back to my place. Later she called my hysterically crying saying that a coworker of his sent her a picture of her husband hugging “some fat bitch”. She sent me the picture. It was me. My face was turned. Fml

Today is my birthday. Nobody has wished me, and I have no friends to celebrate it with... FML

Today, my sister and I had my father’s will read to us. My sister will get all the cash and properties. I will “not see a cent” all because I “went against his wishes of having sex before marriage.” I already made plans of going on vacation and put a few designer bags on layaway. FML

Today I had to update my PC due to it insisting on doing so, nd I discovered that once the update was done and I was able to get back on my computer, my desktop background (which I've used for over a year, and that I paid someone to make) was gone, and I didn't have it saved on my Drive. FML.

Today, the gas station attendent was talking to my fiance while our baby and I were in the car waiting. The attendent referred to our baby and I as my fiance's kids...I'm 26. FML.

Today, I wanted to surprise my man and got some sexy lingerie. After getting frisky, he tells me I’m a f******ing whore and he doesn’t want to hang out with me. I’ll be crying in the corner. FML

Today I asked a woman to smile and then open wide. I got shouted at for objectifying her as my pretty thing. She's a patient. I'm a dentist and gay. FML

Today, Ever since my older brother announced he had a girlfriend, (now married) my parents have been pestering me about where my girlfriend is. And now they are sending me pictures of "potential girls they like".. FML

Today, I pooped myself in the middle of Dave and Busters. I was with new friends. FML

Today, I was given my walking papers because I said I would refuse to vote Morena in my country. FML

Today, I'm up thinking about someone who meant the world to me. I think he told me about this site, I could be wrong. It was a long time ago, like years ago. I hope I'm right. I miss him and it hurts, FML.

Today my ex posted on social media she is now in a relationship with freedom. I guess she was released from prison then.. FML

Today the girl I’ve loved for over a year and a half said shes moving way out of state, and she never saw a future for us. Fml

Today, I recieved an F on a research paper because it was unrelated to the topic that was assigned to me. Since I didn’t feel like doing it myself, I had paid $200 to an essay writing service guy to do it for me. He won’t return my calls and he’d deactivated his Twitter account. FML

Today, the day after I ate a load of Mexican food, I was farting like a hurricane; loud, way too long and a stench like I had necrosis of the colon. I let one rip in a crowded elevator and everyone was gagging from the stench. I pretended it wasn't me, but from all the dirty looks, they knew. FML

Today, my teacher was actually using the calculator to multiply one dollar by 3 packs of potato chips. He's a calculus teacher. FML

Today, I realized my depression has reached a stage at which I don't feel strongly about anything. For example, I've just been able to order my dream headphones after literal years of saving - and nothing. Do I particularly feel any way about even that? nope. FML

Today I went to have my tattoo redone because it had been 11 years since I had it done if bc. The tattoo artist thought the Canadian maple leaf was a weed leaf and painted it green. I know have a scar that can’t be removed FML

Today, I started overthinking about myself, and I can't control my brain. FML

Today I ran my very first credit application. Turns out I’ve had multiple credit cards, department store cards, two cars and a home loan all in my name. All defaulted. My mom allowed more than one of her boyfriends to use my identity to get what they wanted. I’ll be paying the price for life. Fml

Today, is a day I'm really going to need Ibuprofen. Both of my nieces are at the house, and they're the spawns of Satan when together. I feel like they're going to make me all grey. Fml.

Today, (SAT 5pm) I received a whatsapp msg from my boss telling me that I had to publish the results of elections on the webpage. I replied that it was going to be ready on monday morning. He immediately called me asking why was I not cooperating, and that I was being inconsiderate. He never said it was urgent. FML

Today I cooked for my mom. She enjoys what I make for her but generally waits until the food is about 8-10 days old before she finally eats the last of it. Why? Because she wants to “save the good stuff”. FML

Today, let's be honest, my life is empty, no friends, no job, no money and I've been stuck in my room for a long time. FML

Today my father lied to me again. He has always lied to me. I am now in my mid-30s and I can remember his lies to me when I was a child. He seems to use lies to make himself look more intelligent or more successful than he actually is. It's so tough when a parent or guardian confuses truth from lies for you. FML

Today, I was practicing the Vivaldi Concerto in G minor Suzuki 5 1st movement for NYSSMA. (A music evaluation text in NYS) I played the piece quick with Marcato style bowing. I decided to listen to some recordings. I learned that the piece was legato and way slower.. FML

Today, I walked to a café to save money. As I left, it started to rain, so I bought an umbrella to avoid getting wet. A single train fare was much cheaper than the umbrella. FML