Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML
Today, my manager accused me of stealing $20. I didn't do it, but since she said she was going to call the cops, I gave her some of my own money. She still called the cops. FML
Epic_failz tells us more.
There are no cameras in that place...at all, its stupid as hell, but there is not a single camera in there.
Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML
Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML
Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML
Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML
Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML
Today, I called my boss a "fucking retard" for doing something insanely stupid, only for him to find out 5 minutes later that I did exactly the same thing. I'll never hear the end of this now. FML
11Karma11 tells us more.
Hey. I'm the OP. I just signed up for an account - probably should have done that before I posted the FML. Anyhoo, my boss and I get on well and we make a habit of insulting each other. I work in a convenience store and my boss had over-ordered the chilled products, so he was trying to rearrange the fridge in the stock room to make everything fit. As I walked past, I noticed that there was a rather big box of cakes (which obviously don't need to go in the fridge) so asked him if he put them there. Which is when I started hurling insults at him! Of course, it became apparent a few minutes later that I'd also put a box of tortilla wraps in there! I don't know why I called him the "R" word. I haven't used it in years. I dropped any words that I found offensive from my vocabulary when I had my daughter. It's just being in a different environment, where the banter with the other staff is a bit more offensive than in the rest of my life. Good fun though! And of course I said it to his face, I would never, and have never said anything behind his back that I haven't already said to his face at least half a dozen times! And, I obviously deserved it!
Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumbs-up. FML
Today, while on the job I accidentally locked my keys and all of my equipment in the car. I work for the AAA. FML
Today, I saw my coworker write about how awful Muslims were and how the religion is stupid, the hijab is oppressive, and how they're a poison on society. When I questioned them about it, they pretty much said that I didn't know anything and should stop talking. I'm Muslim and a hijabi. FML
Today, I was in charge of taking a delivery of new office chairs for the meeting room at work. The delivery men took the old chairs, but left without delivering the new ones. I can't get in contact with them, and we have a big meeting first thing tomorrow. FML
ansarias tells us more.
ansarias 9
Hey everyone, OP here. Thanks for the hilarious comments. Thought I'd provide a follow up, and clarify a few things quickly. I work as part of the commercial team for a small company based in London. Due to the size of the company, occasionally, I have to do jobs that you wouldn't find the equivalent of my position in a larger company doing. This was one of them. Basically, I was told that we would have new chairs arriving for the meeting room, and that I should let the delivery / removal men into the building, show them the room, and sign the papers. Since I was really busy with my usual work, I let them in and left them to it. I didn't notice they had left until I went to check on them 15 minutes later! I Got quite a shock when I found the meeting room empty with no workmen in sight! In terms of the meeting, when the clients arrived yesterday morning, we made the decision to take them out for breakfast (no shortage of places that offer this in central London, and hey, they weren't complaining!), and I'm pleased to say it went well. I even managed to finally get hold of the delivery company afterwards who brought the new chairs around (different guys though). Apparently, it was a "logistics issue". Anyway, I'm still employed, and me and my colleagues (including my boss) got a good laugh out of it (and a delicious breakfast!) Cheers all. good laugh out of it (as well as a delicious breakfast).
Today, my boss informed me I couldn't go on my "vacation" because he's leaving for one of his employees' weddings. That just so happens to be my wedding, for which I'm taking the vacation. FML
bruhandbutercup tells us more.
Thanks guys for the support and funny comments. I spoke to our manager and asked her to clear it up with our boss. Luckily he was willing to listen to her so I received an apology and a raise!
Today, my boss told me they were letting me go because they "could no longer afford to pay me." Never mind the catered lunch they had the day before, which cost more than a week's worth of my salary. FML
Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML
Today, I came back from vacation to find a packet on the company's stress management programs on my desk. I was sent the same packet over my vacation. I got the same packet from my boss as I left. All because I snapped at a co-worker who was throwing a tantrum over the Star Wars trailer. FML
Today, my boss explained that the company will be letting me go. She got so upset that she couldn't leave her office and I had to console her. I had to make her feel less sad for laying me off. FML
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, when making a delivery for the restaurant I work for, a customer shoved and yelled at me because she didn't get any fries with her order. She didn't order any, which isn't unusual, considering we're a Chinese takeaway and don't even sell them. FML
Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML
Today, I went to get a haircut. Who shows up not 5 minutes later to also get a haircut? My obnoxious, bully of a boss. She started chatting with me across the salon the entire time. There was no way to get out of the conversation. FML
Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Turns out his dad is the asshole customer that I complain about all the time. He recognized me too and spent the entire dinner making passive-aggressive remarks about how bad of an employee I am. FML
Today, I walked into a door on my way in to an interview, in front of the interviewer and a group of people waiting to be interviewed. FML
Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hoped whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch." Okay then. FML
Today, I had a job interview at a café. The interviewer asked me my availability and I told her that I was fully flexible. She laughed and said, "Really? That's tragic." FML
Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML
Today, my boss expected me to corroborate her lie to a customer. She changed her story suddenly and I got caught up in the crosshairs. Then she got mad at me for not understanding what just happened. FML
Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML
Today, all day, in a huge blizzard, I've been stuck with a very nice, but very ugly, toothless and rather large and somewhat smelly woman, who has been continuously saying, "It feels like we're dating. Doesn't it feel like we're dating?" Ugh. No, no it doesn't. And please don't kill me. FML
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