Scary

Doomsday

By Alberto - 07/10/2022 10:30

Today, I had to wake up my mother as the earthquake alarm rang in my country. This is the second quake in less than a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 943

You deserved it 176

Slightly out of hand

By ThatGuyStank - 22/09/2022 08:00 - United States

Today, I had to email my professor, saying, "I can't go to the event assigned in place of class today, due to the mass shooter in the sewers." Gotta love living in the USA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 185

Revenge will be sweet

By Kitty at my foot - 20/09/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 453

Bad buzz

By Anonymous - 20/09/2022 10:00

Today, I went to fix my porch light. I have called maintenance multiple times about it, but I finally decided to just fix it myself. There was a wasps' nest in the light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 121

If you're not part of the problem…

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 22:00

Today, I was fired for refusing to let a kid back into my classroom. This kid is a psycho. In the last month he punched my pregnant TA in the stomach, stabbed a girl with a pencil in the ribs, killed the class hamster, and a bunch of other stuff, but sure, I’m the problem and deserve to be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 106

Defeated

By K.O - 09/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, a fly landed on my ear. The suddenly loud buzzing noise scared me so badly that out of instinct, I punched the side of my head so hard that I actually made myself really dizzy. The worst part? I didn't kill the fly. Jackass fly: 1, Dumbass me: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 563

What did you expect?

By parasheeeet - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Birmingham

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 294

You deserved it 20 924

Mothman is real

By NOT THE BEES...oh - 30/08/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, there's a moth in my house, who either does nothing, or flies around like it just ate enough sugar for one lifetime. Every time I see it, I think it's a wasp and, being deathly afraid of them, I go into a full-blown panic attack until the sight of it bumping into light bulbs brings me back to reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 396

I'm not going out there

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - York

Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 353

You deserved it 4 105

Red alert

By Life With Cats - 15/08/2022 22:00

Today, I kept hearing big *THUD* sounds across the house. The first few times, I didn't think anything of it. But after several more times, I started to suspect there was an intruder. After sneaking through the house, ready to knock out whomever was there, I found out it was my cat pushing things off the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 254

Better late than never

By why now?! - 12/08/2022 02:00

Today, the guy I had a two-week long fling with and got pregnant by (while on birth control I might add), and who disappeared more than a decade ago after I told him, showed up at my door, demanding shared custody of my daughter. While he is her biological parent, she’s never met him and was terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 233

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 30/07/2022 00:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 82

What have been up to?

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 29/07/2022 22:00 - Canada - Kanata

Today, while picking up one of my older kids from school, I started talking to another parent. He commented that it had been quite a year in the kindergarten, because every day his kids come home telling stories about two girls, Hannah and Pi, and all the things they did that day. Hannah is my daughter, Pi is her nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 218

Freaked out

By The Buzzing - 28/07/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, after going on a fly-killing spree all around my house, I had the most ridiculous nightmare where I was terrorized by a fly that looked like it was having a seizure whenever it was flying. When it landed on my arm, I woke up and felt a strange sensation on my arm. Great, I didn't want to sleep anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 170

Judge Judy

By mother of a weirdo - 20/07/2022 16:00

Today, my teenage daughter came out into the living room and began belting out a song. When I cleared my throat, she screamed, turned beet red, and said, “I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE!” She’d been hiding all day, and to say I'm judging her would be an understatement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 514

Stop! Hammertime!

By Anonymous - 17/07/2022 00:00

Today, my husband picked up and threw a hammer which smashed a hole in the plastic side of the conservatory, that daylight and rain can now get through, all because he “thought” he saw a mouse, which turned out to be one of my fluffy slippers half hidden under a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 155

Reign of terror

By scared shitless - 14/07/2022 04:00

Today, I've been getting terrifying threats all day. Why? I broke up with my girlfriend and turned her in to the police after she and her friends shared their plan to firebomb a church during Sunday school. I didn't know I was dating a terrorist. I might need a new identity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 117

Scooby snacks

By Anonymous - 04/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Ashland

Today, I was frantically woken up from a nap by my son who was scared because there was a dog in the house. We don't own a dog. It was the new neighbor's dog. When my son opened the door to go play outside, the dog came barreling in. My kid and cats were terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 151

UNAGI!

By belieber101 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I have been left home alone, the electricity has cut out, and I am petrified of the dark. I am stuck downstairs making karate noises every few minutes to scare off creepers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 469

You deserved it 14 136

Baby come back

By Lost - 27/06/2022 00:00

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from school. The secretary said that my husband had already picked her up two hours ago. I don't have a husband. He left while I was pregnant with her 6 years ago. The secretary said “no one told her” she had to check ID’s before releasing a child for early dismissal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 304

You deserved it 123

It's not a phase, mom!

By Anonymous - 26/06/2022 02:00

Today, my son wears all dark clothes, has gotten evil looking tattoos, and worships the devil. It was kinda cute when he was 13, slightly concerning when he turned 18, but now he’s 30 and I’m unsure if I should be more accepting of his lifestyle or just plain old shit scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 1 262

I'm outta here

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 142

Haunted hotel

By Anonymous - 21/06/2022 22:00 - Germany - Ingelheim

Today, I'm on vacation in Germany and in our seemingly normal hotel my fucking door won't stop opening and closing by itself, and I can't fucking sleep. Jesus Christ ghost, go away, I don't wanna die as well. I thought this hotel would be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 1 451

Noise annoys

By boom boom boom - 06/06/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, my neighbor got a ridiculous surround sound system that sounds like Jurassic fucking Park come to life. My walls are literally shaking. I tried asking nicely for them to turn it down. They told me to fuck off, and that if I call the cops with a noise complaint, well… they know where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 97

Ride the tiger

By Tytonic - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Washington

Today, I took a few Advil. They weren't Advil. My dad mixed the containers and I have no idea what I just took. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 137

Spooked

By yourmom - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 482

You deserved it 9 764

Paranoia

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 16:00 - Australia

Today, when I got up for work, I went into the bathroom and saw a coat hanger sitting in the crack of the window. I had a panic attack, thinking someone had tried to break in and grabbed a knife. I ran into the room where my boyfriend was sleeping and he said he put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 305

Jumpy

By pokemontrainer99 - 17/05/2022 10:00

Today, my mom screamed at me for being startled by her, calling my reaction “unnecessary and extremely rude.” When I tried to explain to her for the millionth time that I startle easily, and it’s involuntary, she told me to “make it voluntary, or else.” I fear what is to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 155

KKK recruitment drive

By lordoftheweird - 16/05/2022 02:00

Today, I had to explain to multiple people that even though I'm white, I have no interest in joining a hate group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 128

Trauma

By Anonymous - 11/05/2022 06:00

Today, my 6”8 boyfriend is scared to death of his 5”2 mother to the point where it’s not funny, it’s quite concerning. He dropped a full pan of chilli in our house and cleaned it so obsessively in case his mom found out, in our house. I’m almost afraid to ask what went on in his childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 166

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The Top

Today, I got grounded because I didn't send my aunt a Mother's Day present. Not only is she not married she doesn't have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 185

You deserved it 1 246

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 687

You deserved it 2 924

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 491

You deserved it 5 312

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 473

You deserved it 7 627

Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 129

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to go crazy and get a short haircut, then dye it all pink. When we got home he wanted sex, and he'd bought me a military uniform to wear, which is when I realised he was trying to turn me into one of his anime girls FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 306