Anonymous · 2 December 2022, 10:00 ·Arlington, United States

All's well that ends well

Today, my boyfriend and our so-called “friends” left us stranded at a park, when our phones and wallets were also missing. I had to walk nearly four miles in tears before I eventually got a ride from a stranger. Luckily, my phone was returned to my mom, but I’m still in tears from the distress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 538

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deathstar3548 · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Orlando, United States

Chancer

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 466 You deserved it 3 564

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StillLoveMyDogs · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·San Francisco, United States

So similar

Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 340 You deserved it 2 401

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Darkness, Darkness · 18 November 2022, 10:00 ·United States

Blacked out

Today, I was awoken at the ungodly hour of 1 a.m. to find that everything was very dark and quiet. It took me way more time than I'd like to admit to figure out that there was a blackout. As I tried to doze off again, I was jump-scared by the sound of everything coming on again. This happened twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739 You deserved it 161

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fiddlercrab · 10 November 2022, 22:00

Yup, cool

Today, I had the pleasure of having a kidney stones removal procedure where they hammer your kidneys to break up the stones. Afterwards, the doctor called my wife over the intercom to come to back to the waiting room. She freaks out, runs back, and the doctor says, “I just wanted to show this stone. Cool huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 792 You deserved it 124

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Nickeleye · 30 October 2022, 16:00 ·United Kingdom

Halloween tomorrow, kids!

Today, I had lunch with my ex. A lady sat down behind her facing me. No eyeballs, no eyelids, just deep flesh tunnels into her head. I was traumatised and stopped eating and talking. I couldn’t say anything, as I imagined no eyes means better hearing. My ex said I was being rude and hasn’t talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761 You deserved it 458

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Anonymous · 14 October 2022, 14:00

Been here long?

Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946 You deserved it 180

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Anonymous · 12 October 2022, 02:00

Surprise!

Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903 You deserved it 136

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Alberto · 7 October 2022, 10:30

Doomsday

Today, I had to wake up my mother as the earthquake alarm rang in my country. This is the second quake in less than a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945 You deserved it 176

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ThatGuyStank · 22 September 2022, 08:00 ·United States

Slightly out of hand

Today, I had to email my professor, saying, "I can't go to the event assigned in place of class today, due to the mass shooter in the sewers." Gotta love living in the USA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991 You deserved it 185

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Kitty at my foot · 20 September 2022, 20:00 ·United States

Revenge will be sweet

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881 You deserved it 455

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Anonymous · 20 September 2022, 10:00

Bad buzz

Today, I went to fix my porch light. I have called maintenance multiple times about it, but I finally decided to just fix it myself. There was a wasps' nest in the light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978 You deserved it 121

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Anonymous · 13 September 2022, 22:00

If you're not part of the problem…

Today, I was fired for refusing to let a kid back into my classroom. This kid is a psycho. In the last month he punched my pregnant TA in the stomach, stabbed a girl with a pencil in the ribs, killed the class hamster, and a bunch of other stuff, but sure, I’m the problem and deserve to be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 175 You deserved it 106

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K.O · 9 September 2022, 13:00 ·United States

Defeated

Today, a fly landed on my ear. The suddenly loud buzzing noise scared me so badly that out of instinct, I punched the side of my head so hard that I actually made myself really dizzy. The worst part? I didn't kill the fly. Jackass fly: 1, Dumbass me: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789 You deserved it 563

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parasheeeet · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Birmingham, United States

What did you expect?

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 294 You deserved it 20 929

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NOT THE BEES...oh · 30 August 2022, 04:00 ·United States

Mothman is real

Today, there's a moth in my house, who either does nothing, or flies around like it just ate enough sugar for one lifetime. Every time I see it, I think it's a wasp and, being deathly afraid of them, I go into a full-blown panic attack until the sight of it bumping into light bulbs brings me back to reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665 You deserved it 396

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·York, United Kingdom

I'm not going out there

Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 355 You deserved it 4 105

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Life With Cats · 15 August 2022, 22:00

Red alert

Today, I kept hearing big *THUD* sounds across the house. The first few times, I didn't think anything of it. But after several more times, I started to suspect there was an intruder. After sneaking through the house, ready to knock out whomever was there, I found out it was my cat pushing things off the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814 You deserved it 254

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why now?! · 12 August 2022, 02:00

Better late than never

Today, the guy I had a two-week long fling with and got pregnant by (while on birth control I might add), and who disappeared more than a decade ago after I told him, showed up at my door, demanding shared custody of my daughter. While he is her biological parent, she’s never met him and was terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902 You deserved it 236

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Anonymous · 30 July 2022, 00:00 ·Littleton, United States

Top o' the mornin' to ya

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835 You deserved it 82

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Middle Age Divorced Dad · 29 July 2022, 22:00 ·Kanata, Canada

What have been up to?

Today, while picking up one of my older kids from school, I started talking to another parent. He commented that it had been quite a year in the kindergarten, because every day his kids come home telling stories about two girls, Hannah and Pi, and all the things they did that day. Hannah is my daughter, Pi is her nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773 You deserved it 219

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The Buzzing · 28 July 2022, 14:00 ·United States

Freaked out

Today, after going on a fly-killing spree all around my house, I had the most ridiculous nightmare where I was terrorized by a fly that looked like it was having a seizure whenever it was flying. When it landed on my arm, I woke up and felt a strange sensation on my arm. Great, I didn't want to sleep anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685 You deserved it 171

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mother of a weirdo · 20 July 2022, 16:00

Judge Judy

Today, my teenage daughter came out into the living room and began belting out a song. When I cleared my throat, she screamed, turned beet red, and said, “I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE!” She’d been hiding all day, and to say I'm judging her would be an understatement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763 You deserved it 517

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Anonymous · 17 July 2022, 00:00

Stop! Hammertime!

Today, my husband picked up and threw a hammer which smashed a hole in the plastic side of the conservatory, that daylight and rain can now get through, all because he “thought” he saw a mouse, which turned out to be one of my fluffy slippers half hidden under a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889 You deserved it 156

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scared shitless · 14 July 2022, 04:00

Reign of terror

Today, I've been getting terrifying threats all day. Why? I broke up with my girlfriend and turned her in to the police after she and her friends shared their plan to firebomb a church during Sunday school. I didn't know I was dating a terrorist. I might need a new identity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250 You deserved it 117

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Anonymous · 4 July 2022, 16:00 ·Ashland, United States

Scooby snacks

Today, I was frantically woken up from a nap by my son who was scared because there was a dog in the house. We don't own a dog. It was the new neighbor's dog. When my son opened the door to go play outside, the dog came barreling in. My kid and cats were terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931 You deserved it 151

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belieber101 · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

UNAGI!

Today, I have been left home alone, the electricity has cut out, and I am petrified of the dark. I am stuck downstairs making karate noises every few minutes to scare off creepers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 469 You deserved it 14 136

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Lost · 27 June 2022, 00:00

Baby come back

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from school. The secretary said that my husband had already picked her up two hours ago. I don't have a husband. He left while I was pregnant with her 6 years ago. The secretary said “no one told her” she had to check ID’s before releasing a child for early dismissal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 310 You deserved it 123

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Anonymous · 26 June 2022, 02:00

It's not a phase, mom!

Today, my son wears all dark clothes, has gotten evil looking tattoos, and worships the devil. It was kinda cute when he was 13, slightly concerning when he turned 18, but now he’s 30 and I’m unsure if I should be more accepting of his lifestyle or just plain old shit scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604 You deserved it 1 265

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Anonymous · 25 June 2022, 16:00

I'm outta here

Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207 You deserved it 143

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