Anonymous · 28 October 2024, 15:00 ·Balwyn North, Australia 🌶️ Spicy

Satisfaction

Today, I realised that I'm addicted to a porn game… not because of the porn. The simple gameplay mechanic of combining objects on a board to make new objects makes my brain happy. I found myself feeling depressed at the thought that I'd have to wait 3 hours for my moves to recharge before I could play again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195 You deserved it 398

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Wtfacebook · 28 October 2024, 00:00 ·Steele, United States

LET ME IIIIIIIIIIN

Today, after two weeks of not being able to log into my Facebook account, I received a prompt to change my password. I interpreted this as them saying that I was hacked, and they had simply shut it down to avoid problems, so I did. It still won't let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351 You deserved it 155

1 comment Share

Dog lady · 27 October 2024, 18:00 ·Melbourne, Australia

Social gatherings make me nervous

Today, I went to a friend's wedding and was seated at a table with a bunch of strangers. To break the ice, I told a funny story about my dog. Turns out one of the guests is an animal behaviorist and spent the next hour explaining how I’ve been raising him all wrong. Thanks for the unsolicited advice during cocktail hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459 You deserved it 218

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Dimples · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Sanford, United States

Thanks, I hate it!

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 915 You deserved it 3 538

102 comments Share

Sis in crisis · 27 October 2024, 03:00 ·Glendale, United States

Take it seriously

Today, I had to temporarily block my brother from calling me because every day for the last week or two he has called me just to yell, "THEY ARE EATING THE DOGS! THEY ARE EATING THE CATS!" before hanging up. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431 You deserved it 151

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ArkansasConspiracy · 26 October 2024, 09:00 ·Cabot, United States

No time to mess around

Today, I learned that I'm not registered to vote. Apparently filling out the form and signing it in the county clerk's office was no guarantee and I was supposed to follow up until I received mail confirmation. It's now too late to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471 You deserved it 117

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·United States

Thanks, I guess…

Today, my boyfriend and best friend decided to "help" by assembling my new front porch while I was away. Ecstatic, they displayed their handiwork. It's charming how the porch is precariously balanced, it leans in such a way that it appears it will fall over if you walk through the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 780 You deserved it 3 575

37 comments Share

Pauline · 26 October 2024, 03:00 ·Canada

Green fingers

Today, three weeks after I finally tried my hand at gardening by planting a bunch of herbs and was so proud of my work, I found out that I had actually been watering weeds this whole time. My herbs were actually the things I was trying to eliminate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133 You deserved it 449

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HoobidibooFox · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Coseley, United Kingdom

Silver linings

Today, I found out the one good thing about having fat rolls: when someone walks in on you sitting on the toilet, they hide your private parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 875 You deserved it 6 553

63 comments Share

Anonymous · 25 October 2024, 15:00 ·United States

Wonky logic

Today, I got my ass beat by some kid in my grade. The reason I was targeted? The superintendent, aka my idiot father, suspended him for defending himself in another fight. The kid told me it's not personal, he needed to prove a point that our school doesn't do shit about bullying, As much as I agree with him… FML

I agree, your life sucks 581 You deserved it 96

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Hassan · 23 October 2024, 22:00 ·United States

All thumbs, no fingers

Today, I was getting groceries and realized at checkout that I forgot my wallet. The cashier gave me a sympathetic look as I frantically tried to unlock my phone to pay with an app, and watched as I accidentally called my ex on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330 You deserved it 301

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Anonymous · 23 October 2024, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Classic brainworms

Today, I was talking to someone on the phone, and then I panicked because I couldn't find it, searching for it while speaking on the phone, asking them to call it. It wasn't until they started laughing did I realise that it was up against my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138 You deserved it 466

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birthdaygirl · 22 October 2024, 15:00 ·Jacksonville, United States

You're welcome!

Today, I called my mom to let her know I was coming home for my upcoming birthday, as I haven’t seen my parents in months. She then stated she hated my birthday because it reminded her she was getting older, and they may have preexisting plans that evening anyways. Really feeling the family love… FML

I agree, your life sucks 514 You deserved it 111

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Anonymous · 22 October 2024, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

I'll get the kettle on

Today, I got locked out of my house while wearing pyjamas. I didn’t have my phone, so I had to ask my neighbour to call a locksmith. She insisted on chatting at me for an hour about her love life, while I sat there waiting desperately for the locksmith in my dinosaur-print pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375 You deserved it 200

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Anonymous · 21 October 2024, 16:00 ·Galveston, United States

Staircase wit at the checkout

Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 You deserved it 489

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Anonymous · 20 October 2024, 14:00 ·Australia

You calling me ugly, lady?

Today, the passport office lady asked, “You really wanna use THAT photo? Passports are valid for 10 years you know.” I thought it was a great photo of myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441 You deserved it 106

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Anonymous · 20 October 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Royal highness

Today, unlike what you may have joked about with your friends, I actually did meet people who told me to "take a hit or we'll beat the shit out of you." I got picked up by my mom 20 minutes later like planned. When my mom noticed I was high, she grounded me for the "rest of high school." FML

I agree, your life sucks 179 You deserved it 437

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Frozen · 19 October 2024, 14:00 ·Steele, United States

Fall vibes

Today, I slept on the couch last night. Not because of an angry significant other, but because my bedroom was absolutely freezing, thanks to the wind. It was like a giant freezer. Even fully cocooning myself in blankets with a sweater on didn't work. I should get a space heater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331 You deserved it 111

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z…… · This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff ·Greece

With friends like these…

Today, I found out my "best friends" have gone on a crazy weekend and they didn't invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 676 You deserved it 4 960

38 comments Share

Lili · 18 October 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Here she comes

Today, I realized my gym crush has only been smiling at me because I’ve been using the equipment completely wrong for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323 You deserved it 211

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Bondi414 · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

My house, my rules

Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down." My whole house now smells like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 914 You deserved it 2 865

191 comments Share

Kevin · 17 October 2024, 16:00 ·Berlin, Germany

Lightbulb moment

Today, I tried to smack a fly that was buzzing around my room. I ended up hitting the wall a little too hard, scaring my cat, who jumped up and ran under the bed, knocking over a lamp. The fly is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286 You deserved it 165

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Pinguicula · 16 October 2024, 22:00 ·New York, United States

Tender moment between bros

Today, I accompanied my dad to the airport for him to say goodbye forever to his childhood best friend. After their "dude goodbyes", right as they turned away, they started to whimper, did a sad squee-like sound, faced each other, then hugged and cried like kids. I have no idea if I should laugh, be sad, or get embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 You deserved it 722

6 comments Share

Anonymous · 16 October 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Teamsports

Today, my husband is very liberal. Normally this is a good thing, but the people across the street have put out a TRUMP sign and he's gone nuts. He built a massive HARRIS/WALZ sign in our front yard and is hassling the rest of the neighborhood about it. Half of them are putting out TRUMP signs out of spite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337 You deserved it 481

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Anonymous · 15 October 2024, 09:00 ·Springfield, United States

Shameless

Today, I was asked, "What do you want for Christmas?" so I sent a link to a personalized "Mama" sweatshirt with my kids' names on it. My mother-in-law is now wearing the sweater I sent, with "Grandma" on it with her grand-kids' names. The same personalized one I'd sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465 You deserved it 121

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Kayak · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

Dang y'all

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 907 You deserved it 4 603

176 comments Share

Anonymous · 14 October 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Never forget

Today, the guy I went to prom with way back in 2006 decided to message me out of the blue. He’s now one of those red pill, MGTOW, woman-hater types. He told me all the reasons he’s too good for me, and why I’ll never have a man like him. I’ve spoken to him maybe twice in the last 18 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510 You deserved it 97

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lrn2spel, teach · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Mogadore, United States

Underfunded and underappreciated

Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate, and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 096 You deserved it 4 697

106 comments Share

Just me · 13 October 2024, 22:00 ·Tucson, United States

Not a people person

Today, I walked into a public toilet and I opened a stall door, only to discover someone who had forgotten to lock the door sitting on the can. Instead of saying "Sorry," I panicked and said, "Nice shoes!" I then had to wait until they left because I was too embarrassed to face them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350 You deserved it 181

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Tartu, Estonia

No, not now!

Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 829 You deserved it 1 051

30 comments Share