Yuri · 29 September 2024, 09:00 ·Gloucester, United States

Thanks!

Today, I opened the door to a pizza delivery guy. I hadn't order any, but I thought maybe my roommate had. As he handed me the box, I said, "Thanks, you too" when he told me to enjoy my meal. He stopped, looked confused, and said, "Wait, what?" before leaving. I then realized my roommate was out of town and I’d just taken someone else’s pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 You deserved it 407

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Stevie · 29 September 2024, 06:00 ·Lisbon, Portugal

Voice of a generation

Today, I was belting out Beyoncé in the shower, really feeling myself. When I got out, I heard applause. My new neighbors were sitting on their balcony and I had my bedroom window open. They'd been unwilling members of my entire shower performance's audience, and the applause was definitely sarcastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160 You deserved it 426

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Anonymous · 28 September 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Snail mail

Today, after moving to a new house my life has fallen apart, paperwork lost, appointments missed, job offers rescinded, and now I know why. The postbox by my new house isn’t in use, so four months worth of the letters I've posted are sitting uncollected inside it. It even has a big "Not in use" sign on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134 You deserved it 617

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Anonymous · 28 September 2024, 06:00 ·United Kingdom

Oddly specific reference

Today, I met my boyfriend's dad. He was wearing a suit, and talks like Carson the butler from Downton Abbey. At first I thought he was putting on an act, like he was going to yell "Surprise!" at any moment and start acting normally. Nope. That’s actually how he is and it’s weirding me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313 You deserved it 159

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anonanon · 28 September 2024, 00:00 ·United States

It's the way I don't tell 'em

Today, I tried to tell a funny story at a party, but halfway through I forgot the punchline. I panicked and awkwardly mumbled something while everyone stared at me, waiting for something funny to happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315 You deserved it 264

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Anonymous · 26 September 2024, 16:00 ·Flagstaff, United States

Stranger danger!

Today, I hugged a man I thought was my dad at the airport. It wasn't my dad. The man’s actual family stood nearby, watching me cling to their father for a solid 5 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167 You deserved it 405

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Puck · 26 September 2024, 09:00 ·'s-Hertogenbosch, Netherlands

Tricked

Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158 You deserved it 366

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Patzer · 26 September 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Masterful gambit, sir!

Today, after a long time spent trying to learn chess as a hobby, I've come to accept that I'm simply destined to never be any good at it. Maybe I'm just a slow learner, but it feels like I've made zero progress since I started, despite doing everything I'm told to do. Time to find another hobby, I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313 You deserved it 145

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So losing the last name · 26 September 2024, 00:00 ·Makati City, Philippines

Pretty vacant

Today, at our usual family gathering, Big Grandpa, the family patriarch, said with his loud super authoritative voice, "Hey! Where is granddaughter?" I responded, "Here, Grandpa!" He then disgruntledly yelled, "NO! I meant my PRETTY granddaughter!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 546 You deserved it 92

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Bloodline's Dead-End · 25 September 2024, 14:00 ·Staten Island, United States

Badass

Today, my grandmother and I got mugged. As I stood there paralyzed with fear, she grabbed the mugger from behind as he escaped, and gave him a suplex, knocking him out. Then, as if nothing happened, she dusted herself, picked up our things, held my hand, and said, "Come on baby, let's get you a clean pair of shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 230 You deserved it 505

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Anonymous · 24 September 2024, 22:00 ·Barnsley, United Kingdom

Some fun was had

Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517 You deserved it 86

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Karel · 24 September 2024, 14:00 ·Canada

Joe Smooth move

Today, I was at a friend's party and tried to lean casually against a wall while talking to someone. I missed the wall and ended up stumbling backwards into the punch bowl that was atop the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232 You deserved it 374

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Anonymous · 24 September 2024, 09:00 ·Austin, United States

Are you OK?

Today, I walked into a glass door at a busy mall. Not only did I face-plant in front of a crowd, but I also left an almost perfect imprint of my face on the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401 You deserved it 164

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Joe just Joe · 24 September 2024, 00:00 ·United States

This can't be legal, surely?

Today, my landlord sold the apartment I’ve been renting for 10 years without telling me. I found this out when the new owners showed up at the door with boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610 You deserved it 65

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What's it to you anyway? · 23 September 2024, 16:00 ·United States

People just suck

Today, I, a 20-year-old man, was ridiculed and called "Granny" for having a coin purse. Said coin purse actually belonged to my late grandma, and she gifted it to me last year when she realized she was going to die soon. She really meant well and I appreciate it, but I wasn't ready for judgmental strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594 You deserved it 119

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Anonymous · 23 September 2024, 12:00 ·Canada

This is not good parenting

Today, and for the past week, I've been incredibly on edge because apparently my dad is kicking me out but I don't know when, and my mom has told me I'm not allowed to tell anyone. She then got mad at me because I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518 You deserved it 97

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merchgirl · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Arlington, United States

Petty

Today, my mother-in-law scheduled her neck surgery for the same day our baby is being born. She also fully expects my husband to drive her to the hospital and stay for her recovery. Uh, yeah no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 167 You deserved it 1 160

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mummer11 · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Ireland

Mum

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 458 You deserved it 3 214

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Jobless · 22 September 2024, 00:00 ·Canada

Where are we?

Today, I got in the elevator with my dog and pressed the button for my floor. Instead of going up, it dropped two floors and opened up to a random basement room filled with nothing but mannequins, and wouldn't go back up. I had to fumble our way to the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504 You deserved it 98

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Anonymous · 21 September 2024, 16:00 ·United Kingdom

What a waster

Today, my brother lost his flat and is sleeping on our sofa. He’s also unemployed so my husband is getting increasingly angry at him freeloading. To make it up to him, I made his favourite pudding, Angel Delight. He just walked in and caught my brother eating it right out of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272 You deserved it 521

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Kevin can't wait · 21 September 2024, 12:00 ·Brest, France

What is happening right now?

Today, I got a notification from a delivery carrier that my package had been delivered. I opened the door to find a perfectly wrapped box with no address, no label, and a note inside saying, "You’ll know when it’s time." I still don’t know what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395 You deserved it 80

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Anonymous · 20 September 2024, 09:00 ·Las Vegas, United States

Supermarket sweep

Today, I was using self-checkout at the grocery store, and the machine flipped out and started randomly announcing, "Please wait for assistance." No one came to help, but the machine just kept loudly repeating it until everyone stared at me like I was trying to steal grapes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464 You deserved it 86

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Anonymous · 19 September 2024, 22:00 ·Pakistan

That's something at least

Today, I was greeting some guests when I fell into the tray of tea and biscuits in front of them, with two cups of tea directly drenching my hair. They didn't laugh, they didn't chuckle, but my sister was laughing too hard and too much. I now smell like tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325 You deserved it 184

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Anonymous · 18 September 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Typical Ohia public bathroom

Today, I was sitting on the toilet when a dude broke into my stall, screamed, "No time to explain!" and ran out with a toilet paper roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476 You deserved it 68

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Dan · 18 September 2024, 20:00 ·Australia

Butt of the joke

Today, I found out my family doesn't actually use the secret codeword we've had since childhood for when we’re in trouble. They've just been saying it around me for years because they thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398 You deserved it 105

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No Expectations No Disappointments · 18 September 2024, 14:00 ·Makati City, Philippines

Great expectations

Today, my dad and his buddies were hanging out. One of them said to my dad, "Hey! I've heard your son wants to be a doctor! He he he! You better start saving up!" My dad then triumphantly responded, "PAH!!! No problem there. He's an idiot! He probably won't make it to premed!" And yes, he was sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472 You deserved it 120

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BarbaraP · 18 September 2024, 12:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

What the hell?

Today, my husband once again went to my sister’s room (she's been living with us since her husband passed away) and claims he’s comforting her. He locks the door and there are moaning noises, but they insist that it’s her crying for her dead husband. They called me “selfish” for me questioning their motives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795 You deserved it 179

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Anonymous · 17 September 2024, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Thanks for that, whoever you are

Today, I realised that somewhere out there someone has written my phone number on a pub bathroom wall, because now every couple of days or weeks I get random calls from heavy breathing pervs, or from guys wanting to know if I’m available, and how much I charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469 You deserved it 86

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Anonymous · 16 September 2024, 14:00 ·Bristol, United Kingdom

Drama!

Today, I tried to make a dramatic exit after arguing with my flatmate. I slammed the door, but the handle broke, and I had to ask him for help to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 545

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Anonymous · 14 September 2024, 16:00 ·Plymouth, United Kingdom

These must be yours

Today, I was doing laundry when my downstairs neighbour knocked on my door and handed me some knickers. Apparently, it had flown off the clothesline and landed on his head while he was sweeping outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393 You deserved it 122

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