Today, I got the hiccups while my dad was yelling at me. He then said, “You’d better stop hiccuping or I’m gonna kick your ass!” FML
Today, I went to the gym and got locked in the locker room. I had to call the gym's phone number to get them to come let me out, after being in there for half an hour. FML
Today, I was accused of witchcraft. This is not the first time this has happened. FML
Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML
Today, I opened my new contact lenses for the first time in a month and accidentally dropped one, only to watch it disappear helplessly down the drain. Give a name to the situation. FML
Today, I learned that all the caffeine my body can handle and boundless energy will not stop me from yawning. Thirty times in an hour. FML
Today, I came home from work early due to a massive headache. A half hour later, the jackhammering started. FML
Today, my mother screamed at me for the millionth time for “giving her a dirty look” as if I could see my own face. I’m just tired. I just wish people would pay attention to my words and not my face. FML
Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML
Today, it’s this year’s first spring-like day, with warm sunshine, birdsong, and the first tiny flowers! So of course I'm taking full advantage of this delightful weather by… being sick and staying indoors. FML
Today, I got written up for “making a big show” of being exhausted at work. I was trying to hide it. FML
Today, like many other days, I'm too scared to correct people calling me "ma'am" at work because I live in a small, ignorant town where I've already been harassed and threatened for daring to be trans. I've already had a friend tell me I look nothing like a chick, so what's the deal with customers? FML
Today, I got a haircut that makes me look like a Lego minifigure. FML
Today, I waited months for a specialist doctor’s appointment, only to find out that it's the same guy I already saw for the same problem years ago, who was at his wit's end after seeing nothing wrong on the x-ray, and had no clue as to what might be causing my pain. FML
Today, I accidentally tackled my own teammate during a rugby match, so our coach made me walk the 5 miles back home instead of driving me home with the rest of the team. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to get my swollen lymph nodes checked. As it turns out, they aren't swollen. I'm just fat. FML
Today, I sucked so bad that I faked an injury during a football game to get out of playing. FML
Today, I was telling my boyfriend about my uncle who committed suicide when I was younger. When I tried to remember his name, my mind went completely blank. It was bugging me all day, until I remembered halfway through the movie we were watching. It took me a whole day to remember my deceased uncle's name. FML
Today, I was giving a competitive dramatic speech. I got a little too into it and punched the ground to portray my character's anger. I must be one dedicated thespian because I was angry enough to break my hand. FML
Today, after eating some fire noodles the day before, I took a nice long poop in my school's bathroom, only to find out there was no toilet paper left in any of the stalls. FML
Today, I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted, and I feel like the only person I can talk to who actually listens is my therapist. FML
Today, I had an endoscopy and nothing wrong was found. So why have I been vomiting up everything, including water, for the past 10 days? FML
Today, at the ripe old age of 24, I briefly forgot my own name. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (S.A.D.). I already have seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.) and depression. That’s a lot of SADness for one person. FML
Today, I trusted a fart at work and, for the first time in my life, it did not come out silent. I have had a hell of a time explaining to people that I don’t fart loudly all the time. FML
Today, I was cutting a bagel, only to slice the back of my hand with the knife. As I grabbed paper towels to clean up the blood, I noticed that the bagel was pre-sliced. FML
Today, I’ve been depressed and lonely for almost half my life now, and no longer have any friends or family. I realised I often started hallucinating, most of it making me able to see my childhood and me playing when we were kids. This is getting too painful to bear. FML
Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML
Today, at the vending machine at work, I selected a regular soda but a diet soda came out. It turns out the soda I did select was stuck behind the bottle of diet soda. Is the universe trying to tell me something? FML
Today, my 4 year-old son got a hole in his head from doing a twirl jump off bricks out the back. After being in hospital for 8 hours, my car battery was flat from me leaving the lights on. My husband went to get a new battery and lost his wallet. FML
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