fishyrael · 8 August 2024, 20:00 ·East Lansing, United States

Roommate from Hell

Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460 You deserved it 143

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disappointed · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Living my best life

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 658 You deserved it 4 337

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Anonymous · 4 August 2024, 06:00 ·United States

My sweet Buddy

Today, my husband is upset that I refuse to sign off on a loan for $10k for an experimental surgery on his 11 year-old chronically ill dog. It will ultimately put more trauma on the poor creature, but he refuses to listen or let go. Not to mention the kids and mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529 You deserved it 123

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sambo99 · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

Happy birthday!

Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 024 You deserved it 3 384

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Anonymous · 1 August 2024, 00:00 ·Kirkcaldy, United Kingdom

Thanks, Walt

Today, it turned out that letting my daughter watch '101 Dalmatians' backfired; our dog gave birth to two gorgeous pups but she can't stop crying and asking where 'the rest of them' went. Apparently she's been telling her friends all week that she'd soon have 15 puppies to play with, and now will never be happy again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437 You deserved it 153

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Renee Cashmore · 30 July 2024, 09:00 ·Sydney, Australia

The price of Floof

Today, I dropped $1600 at the emergency vet because I thought my 14 year-old cat was constipated or obstructed. He was neither. He just had lots of gas in his intestines. I paid $1600 to find out my cat needed to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412 You deserved it 155

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Cat owner · 29 July 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Garfield strikes again

Today, I think I figured out why my computer refused to start up properly the other day. My cat is a cord chewer. Now I have to close the door when I'm not in there, until I drum it into his head to not do that. And before you ask: yes, he's orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 28 July 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Those pesky little *****

Today, I was stung by a red wasp. While my husband heroically killed it, I, the person terrified of wasps after being swarmed as a child, collapsed, sobbed, screamed, and almost vomited from sheer terror. Give me snakes, spiders, insects galore and I am fine. Single flying asshole of doom and I turn into a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431 You deserved it 189

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Anonymous · 25 July 2024, 16:00 ·United Kingdom

Foolproof

Today, I received a package addressed to my husband. I thought it was a surprise gift for me, so I excitedly opened it. It turned out to be a 3-foot tall realistic-looking penguin. Confused, I asked him about it. He sheepishly admitted he'd bought it to scare off the neighbor's cat, who's been using our garden as a litter tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 You deserved it 761

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Anonymous · 25 July 2024, 06:00

What is wrong with you?

Today, our dog is a racist. No other way to say it. We’ve had her since she was born, raised her just like our other dogs, but every time we try to take her for a walk, if she spots a black person, any black person, she barks at them, and once almost bit someone. We don’t know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478 You deserved it 178

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

The chase

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 372 You deserved it 4 261

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Anonymous · 21 July 2024, 20:00 ·Vancouver, Canada

Physical imbalances in the root chakra

Today, I was practicing yoga at home when I heard a loud crash. My cat had managed to knock over a bookshelf while attempting to catch a fly. In my rush to save my books and knick-knacks, I tripped over my yoga mat and fell into the mess. My cat got the fly though, so that's something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384 You deserved it 123

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Anonymous · 19 July 2024, 12:00 ·Augusta, United States

It's all about control

Today, my parents said they were cutting me off for saving a kitten's life and wanting to keep it. I am 40 years-old and don't get any money from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573 You deserved it 72

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Anonymous · 19 July 2024, 00:00 ·Southend, United Kingdom

Anthropomorphism

Today, I spent hours making an elaborate bird feeder for my backyard. It was finally ready, and I proudly hung it up, imagining the birds chirping happily. Instead, a squirrel discovered it within minutes, devoured all the birdseed, and then gave me a smug look before knocking the feeder to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420 You deserved it 170

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Anonymous · 17 July 2024, 12:00 ·Arlington Heights, United States

Nope, no thanks

Today, my boyfriend's mom is talking shit about me to anyone who will listen, all because I refused to stay at her house and help her with a few chores she said she would pay me for. She keeps leaving out the part where I saw dozens of bed bugs not even 5 minutes after I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539 You deserved it 109

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Aimee Lutz · This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Cat Burglar!

Today, I found my lost cat. As I was hooking it up to a leash to get it in my car, a man approached and asked what I was doing. His kids alerted him that there was a woman stealing their cat from their front lawn. It was not my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 432 You deserved it 1 359

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Anonymous · 16 July 2024, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Archeology

Today, I was digging the foundation for what will eventually be my garage. My kids wanted to help Daddy, which means they had a front row seat with their little spades when we unearthed the skeleton of some previous homeowner's dog. Now they won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604 You deserved it 72

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MaybeYOULLFindThisFunny · 15 July 2024, 22:00 ·Seminole, United States

How could you?

Today, I hit a stray Chihuahua with my car, a little Taco Bell tan dog, ironically whilst taking my own chihuahua dog to a vet appointment, in full view of two kids no less. A roughly 10-12 year-old girl and her 8ish year-old brother, who were taking out their trash to the dumpster in the alley, saw the whole thing. I later cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425 You deserved it 114

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I wish I was making this up · 15 July 2024, 16:00 ·United States

Summer lovin'

Today, I found out my cat and my roommate's dog are apparently lesbians who are into what is basically bestiality to us humans. Despite both being female (and fixed), his dog tried to hump my cat, and my cat didn't resist at all. Trying to get his dog off my cat took way more effort than it should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365 You deserved it 123

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Wha happen? · 12 July 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Heftychonk

Today, my cat went from a badass huntress to the tuxedo equivalent of Garfield in just four years. She's only 6. I don't overfeed her and try very hard to keep her active. I have no idea why she got so fat and lazy. I do know that dealing with bugs by myself is something I can't afford to do adequately right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304 You deserved it 183

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ana · 9 July 2024, 20:00 ·United States

This isn't fine

Today, I hope to tell my roommate that I want to leave and never look back, because I'm done with the bird and the dogs and the hair and shit everywhere. I can't anymore. My brain is going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454 You deserved it 100

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stuckathome · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Alexa, play "Ghosts" by Japan

Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 282 You deserved it 2 815

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Aaron · 7 July 2024, 20:00 ·United States

Bad doggo

Today, I took my dog to the dog park and let him off the leash for a bit. He ran straight towards a group of people having a picnic, jumped on their blanket, and devoured half of their food before I could catch him. They were surprisingly forgiving, but I had to buy them lunch to make up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178 You deserved it 862

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Cottonwood, United States

Time for lunch in the parking lot

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze, and cremate the animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 374 You deserved it 7 992

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Help · 5 July 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Happy Fourth of July

Today, I tried to comfort my cats from fireworks. Problem is, I also have really sensitive hearing, so fireworks are distressing to me as well. My cats didn't take kindly to me being distressed and just became more irritable. They took their irritability out on me. Now I look like I fought a bear or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350 You deserved it 193

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Anonymous · 4 July 2024, 22:00 ·Montréal, Canada

Mud bogging

Today, I went to a park to relax and read a book. A dog came up and started sniffing me. I tried to shoo it away, but it sat on my lap, and refused to move. His owner came up to me, laughed, and said, "Congratulations, you've been chosen!" as I tried to get rid of the mud all over my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484 You deserved it 173

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Sorry kitty · 30 June 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Poor kitty

Today, I found out while pet-sitting that a white cat is no easier to see in the dark than a black cat. I also found out that this particular cat doesn't take kindly to being accidentally kicked, even if it wasn't that hard. My feet have seen better days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249 You deserved it 317

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Anonymous · 29 June 2024, 20:00 ·Canada

Dog park blues

Today, while dogsitting for a friend, I took their overly excitable dog to the park. The moment I unleashed him, he bolted, and I ended up chasing him for what felt like miles. When I finally caught him, I was covered in mud and my pants had a huge tear in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 You deserved it 691

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Chance encounter

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 275 You deserved it 3 587

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Anonymous · 22 June 2024, 22:00 ·Boise, United States

Tippi Hedren vibes

Today, I left for my shop in the work truck at 6 a.m. I was still in the process of waking up with my windows down, on a semi-busy street, when BAM! a bird flew in the window into the cab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382 You deserved it 105

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