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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
yoimtrollin's favorite FMLs
by Asian / 02/07/2016 at 2:03pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by OhDearGodGrandad / 02/07/2016 at 12:59pm / United Kingdom (Redbridge) / Intimacy
by notagoodtime / 02/06/2016 at 3:52pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/31/2016 at 4:33am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML
by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/08/2015 at 11:10am / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, a customer approached me, smiling and asked what kind of cheese was in our cheddar cheese balls. Thinking he was joking, I laughed and said "swiss." He ordered, found they were indeed cheddar cheese, and reported me. FML
by bandaidstations / 08/16/2015 at 11:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 6:23pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 12:02am / United States (Oregon) / Money
Today, my boss at my new job described a client as "retarded". I corrected him with "mentally disabled". He smirked and replied "Whatever. Just explain things to her real slow. After all, she's 'mentally disabled'. And a woman." I need this job so bad that I'll have to just put up with this asshole. FML
by Anonymous / 08/07/2015 at 10:27am / United States (California) / Work
Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/02/2015 at 11:25pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML
by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by gurding / 06/21/2015 at 12:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 06/21/2015 at 12:38am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
by henrylikestreats / 04/30/2015 at 2:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…