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thefirstspartan

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thefirstspartan
  • Town/Country : Clarksville, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 74
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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thefirstspartan's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of thefirstspartan's badges

thefirstspartan's favorite FMLs

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

#20901889
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40953) - you deserved it (7021)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my insane war veteran great-uncle punched me in the throat for not laughing hard enough at his own stupid joke. FML

#20898629
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36888) - you deserved it (4021)

On 09/28/2013 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61782) - you deserved it (6193)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

#20795078
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39784) - you deserved it (8728)

On 07/21/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by accountnamevalid (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML

#20727770
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51945) - you deserved it (7247)

On 06/15/2013 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by woof woof?? (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

#20726673
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43537) - you deserved it (17899)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by Jill (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into the living room, only to find my brother wanking off to an episode of My Little Pony. FML

#20726036
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58782) - you deserved it (5833)

On 06/14/2013 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by bestiality, not even once (woman) - Ireland (Waterford)

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

#20726002
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39415) - you deserved it (4197)

On 06/14/2013 at 6:12pm - kids - by I fathered a pussy. (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML

#20725929
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41773) - you deserved it (6784)

On 06/14/2013 at 5:21pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

#20724232
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50177) - you deserved it (6220)

On 06/13/2013 at 8:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

#20723435
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53494) - you deserved it (3993)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Hannah (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML

#20723014
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53103) - you deserved it (2926)

On 06/13/2013 at 3:05am - health - by _Tatyana_ - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

#20718656
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53495) - you deserved it (14316)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

#20718644
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28087) - you deserved it (43354)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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