squidgy787

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Offline (the 04/29/2015 at 2:48am)

squidgy787

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 20 July 1981 (34 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 948
  • Number of comments : 62
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About squidgy787 : I don't have a terrific amount to say here. I'm a recent transplant from the Las Vegas area to Des Moines, IA. I'm a single mom with 2 young boys, I work in the home mortgage industry full time, and I'm also a full time student finishing up college before I start grad school.

I love reading FMLs, mainly because they make me feel like my problems are mostly superficial. I've been reading them and voting for years, but I decided to finally create an account. After all, half of the comments are poorly executed cliches or have grammatical errors in spades-- might as well put my two cents in on occasion as well.

squidgy787's page activity

Visits<b>may14th</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 2:54am<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 1:58pm<b>jade_midori</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 9:43am<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 12:06am<b>pdp</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 6:00am<b>wafflewolf</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 4:44pm<b>Warriorflex</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 5:06pm<b>rawr0720</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 12:34pm<b>paigexox0</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 7:59am<b>Vorsey6969</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 9:56pm<b>jaymecarterr</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 11:52pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 11:48pm<b>Mukuro</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 9:09am<b>EllieMay42</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 6:47pm<b>DoomSkuller</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 2:09am<b>Allornone</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 10:29pm<b>DaBlacky</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 4:17am<b>mysteryguy3039</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 3:29pm

squidgy787's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of squidgy787's badges

squidgy787's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

by oh my fucking god / 07/10/2014 at 9:34am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love

Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML

by AndrewKeane / 06/09/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2014 at 8:14pm / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Love

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked into my house with a couple of friends and I saw my girlfriend doing laundry. I jokingly asked her if she had time to do a load of mine as well. She scoffed and said, "Yeah babe, I'll gladly do your laundry... The same day you learn to wipe properly." FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 7:43am / Love

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

by took it / 02/09/2014 at 9:36am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

by mariana / 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my mother-in-law called me every 2 hours, starting at 8pm and stopping at 10am the following morning. She says that since my wife and I are expecting our first child, I should "get used to waking up at all hours." She calls my work phone, which I'm not allowed to switch off. FML

by dope_mcfly / 01/29/2014 at 11:55am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML

by Carebeareatu / 09/14/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

by Username / 03/28/2011 at 1:26am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

by Nick / 08/13/2009 at 3:47pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

by DutchOven / 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love