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shorty6823's favorite FMLs
Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML
by otter / 08/16/2011 at 10:05pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/20/2011 at 12:03am / United States / Miscellaneous
by KittenTime / 05/26/2011 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/23/2011 at 7:50am / United States / Work
Today, while sleeping, I heard an explosion. My neighbor then knocked on my door and informed me that he had just hit my car with shrapnel from a cannon. Not only do I not have a car to drive, but I also have to put this claim on my insurance due to my neighbor being on welfare. FML
by Anonymous / 03/05/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML
by mom21 / 02/08/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 12:21am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML
by smarter than a mollusk, skinner than a hippo / 11/10/2010 at 12:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML
by Anonymous / 10/08/2010 at 12:33pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML
by Andrew / 09/24/2010 at 6:22am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by meowmeow / 09/21/2010 at 12:38am / Australia / Health
Today, a crying kid was brought to my attention by a customer. He was so upset from losing his mom that he couldn't say his name or his moms name. I took him around the store asking him to point out his mom. Once we found her she told me "I was hiding from my kid to test his independence." FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2010 at 12:27am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
by Zippermania9 / 08/10/2010 at 8:14pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by missalexa / 08/03/2010 at 2:13pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML
by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Health
- Today, my Indian friend called me a midget. After voicing my displeasure at him, he then told me he… Today, I got an extremely sensitive pimple right below my nose. Today also seems to be the day that… Today, I received a phonecall from my boss telling me that a client at work has worms. Not to worry…