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niwa710's favorite FMLs
by embarassedmuch / 10/30/2012 at 12:05am / United States / Miscellaneous
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML
by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 1:31am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health
by DCarreon / 10/04/2012 at 3:13am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my teacher's comments on my essay read, "I know it's college, but you use a lot of unnecessary words with a lot of syllables." He basically scolded me for having a complex vocabulary. I go to an accredited state university. Nothing says "America" like under-achieving professors. FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 7:00pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
by colts609380 / 05/17/2012 at 5:07pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML
by ...... / 05/16/2012 at 6:29pm / United States / Health
Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 5:56pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML
by unfortunate / 04/25/2012 at 12:50am / Sweden / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
by fuck / 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by ajnmegs / 04/19/2012 at 12:08pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…