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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 11878
  • Number of comments : 752
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML

#4974670
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6818) - you deserved it (62241)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I came back from a two week vacation. As I walked in the door, my boyfriend greeted me with a "Hey, honey! Could you clean the crockpot?" It still had the chicken in it from my going away dinner. FML

Today, I got a knock on my door at 3AM. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML

#4889725
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36310) - you deserved it (12011)

On 08/28/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by chasingcars0624 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

#4867119
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78061) - you deserved it (3403)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by abercrombieef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to get food, I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and it was getting hard to breathe. I realized it's a bluebery muffin, I'm deathly allergic. I look to my friend, she was laughing saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML

#4850568
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65593) - you deserved it (5291)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:07am - health - by Hellohaileyexoh (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

#4845223
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63692) - you deserved it (3223)

On 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by AreYouSerious (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer and all the emails from my long distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML

#4829137
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17901) - you deserved it (46913)

On 08/26/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by technologyfail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML

#4810321
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39968) - you deserved it (20735)

On 08/25/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I made a very pretty sunflower cake that I woke up incredibly early to make. It took me hours and a lot of money. It was for my grandparents anniversary and my whole family was invited. We only got to see the remains because the waiter gave it to the wrong family, and they ate it. FML

#4764898
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42203) - you deserved it (1945)

On 08/23/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by sunflowercake (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML

#4661982
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60473) - you deserved it (4176)

On 08/19/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at the gas station I work a lady called wanting to know the "password" and if I was okay. Thinking it was a prank I hung up. A couple of minutes later she called back, this time asking if I could see the cops outside and telling me I'd be alright. I saw four of 'em. I'd hit the silent alarm by accident. FML

#4649548
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14287) - you deserved it (36719)

On 08/19/2009 at 3:53am - work - by Keldar (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML

#4644829
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64843) - you deserved it (3022)

On 08/19/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Amara1717 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my ex showed up at my door with chocolates and flowers. I've liked him since I was 13, starting dating him when I was 15. He proposed when I was 22. I am now 24, and yesterday was our wedding day. He didn't show. FML

#4644175
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70543) - you deserved it (3774)

On 08/18/2009 at 11:59pm - love - by Wowfmylife (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I showed up at work and a coworker pointed a gun at me. After twisting his arm and leveling his face into the wall, I found out it was a lighter. Now I might lose my job over his stupid joke. FML



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